Nothing can top Nick’s tribute, but this is my personal ode to Tom, and the huge influence he had on my journey…

I got a message from a good mate in the Warsaw scene on New Year’s Eve morning… “Did you hear the news about Tom?”… I immediately thought the worst. “No”… “He took his own life” he replied. “No fucking way”. I was truly shocked, I didn’t know how to react, I just felt weird most of the day.

I was never good friends with Tom, I met him many times, particularly in my early years of game, but we were never close and so I won’t pretend I understand what was going on with him. But what he did for daygame cannot be disputed. Tom will go down as one of, if not THE GOAT in the daygame community. Not just for his daygame skills, but his ability to break it down into layman terms and teach it, and also for just being a nice bloke. I was lucky to be one of his students.

When I started daygame in Dublin in 2014, I had never heard of him. But I hung out with Seven regularly, who knew more about the scene at this point… he said something along the lines of “hey man, have you heard about these London guys, Tom Torero, Nick Krauser?” After he mentioned them, I went home and devoured everything they had on YouTube, at that time it was only daygame.com videos. I bought all his memoirs, I listened to all his podcasts, I basically worshipped the guy overnight. I bought all of Nick’s stuff too, but at that time it seemed too advanced for me, Tom seemed to have a knack for making it all sound so simple.

A month or so later I emailed Tom and asked if I could come to London to have some coaching. He told me he was travelling that summer, but I could be coached by his junior coaches if I wanted. I flew to London at the end of August and was coached by Sam Django (who was also on daygame.com) and a fella called James, who was anonymous at the time and is now known as James Tusk. They were great coaches, but I still hadn’t met the man himself.

I went back to Dublin and carried on daygaming. Torero announced on a podcast that he was doing a talk in London; I think it was around November or December.  Seven and I both booked tickets and flew over for the weekend. It was hosted in the underground of some dodgy pub in central London. We were entering an underground lair. I remember the first time Seven and I locked eyes on him, we were like “oh my god, there he is!”. Proper little fanboys we were. I was taken aback by how tall he was and by the sheer presence and charisma of the man. I meekly introduced myself… “NICE TO MEET YOU MATE, AND THANKS FOR COMING” said Tom. That was the first time I met him. I might have drunkenly spoken at him after the talk, but honestly, I don’t remember any of that part.

I do recall, that just listening to him speak filled me with enthusiasm to get out there and do more sets. In 2015 I moved to Manchester, which was a bit closer to London than Dublin. In the Summer I emailed Tom again, “I want to be coached by YOU this time”. “Ok mate, I’m pretty stacked, you mind if there’s another student?”. Of course, I didn’t.

We agreed to meet at the top of the steps on Trafalgar square. It was a scorching hot summers day in London, I recall being nervous as fuck before I met him. There he was, dressed in his daygame uniform, big brown boots, black jeans, black shirt and those aviator shades – I was in awe. The other student was about 20 minutes late, so I got to chat with him one on one for a bit. I was amazed by just how much of a nice bloke he was, he was asking what brought me to London, about my family, he knew the difference between Derry and Londonderry, he just seemed to care and made me feel at ease right away and didn’t ask me any game questions.  

The other student eventually arrived, he was a much older fella and frankly a no-hoper, but he was very funny. Anyway, the three of us walked down the steps, turned left and started to walk up the strand towards Covent Garden. Tom and the other student were yappin’ away, I spotted a filthy looking set, all dressed in black. I tapped Tom on the shoulder, “can I do that?!”. “Don’t ask, just get in there!”

We had the bluetooth mics all hooked up and Tom stood a few metres behind the girl facing me. It was around 1pm in the afternoon and this girl was on her way home from an all-night party, she asked what I was up to… I looked over her shoulder and Tom was motioning as if he was downing a pint, repeatedly… I couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say, I mean it was a bit early to go for pints, even by my standards. I took the girls number and let her go, walked over to Tom thinking he would congratulate me on a good set. “She was ON mate, I was telling you to take HER for a drink, that was a SAME DAY LAY, Why’d you let her go?!” said Tom. “Oh, I thought you wanted to go for pints” Silly me.

I did loads of sets that day, and I was soaking everything up like a sponge. We finished the day back in Trafalgar square and my last set of the day was a hot little Brazilian, (Tom took a picture of the set and it was on his website for years). After I took her number I went back to Tom, he said “You jammy little bastard, she was beautiful”. After the session, Tom sat me down in the PUA Prett near Leicester Square for a debrief. He pulled out a folded-up piece of A4 paper from his back pocket and proceeded to scribble stuff down. He spotted my weaknesses (which back then was mainly topic hopping and being a bit stiff) and gave me a plan for how to fix them. The man knew game inside out, I made the tweaks he suggested, and 2016 is when things started happening for me, this was all down to following what he had taught me.

We kept in touch and met up a few more times in Warsaw and London the following year. Tom had been trying to get me to be one of his coaches and travel with him, but at the time I was in a full-time job, I couldn’t travel, and I wanted to remain anonymous. He respected that and we slowly fell out of contact as the years passed. In a way I kind of regret that now, I’m sure it would have been loads of craic.

To say he was a big influence on my outlook on life would be a massive understatement. I could have easily just settled for one of the first girls I met, but he opened my eyes to what was possible. We have lost a legend, but the good thing about legends is, they last for eternity.

Thank you, and Rest in Peace.

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12 thoughts on “Thank You, Tom Torero

  1. heartfelt son! This is a very sad time for many but he will never be forgotten. Tom you were one of the gooduns!. RIP

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  2. Roy, I’ve been a silent reader of your blog for years after reading about you on Krauser’s blog.

    I consider myself to be pretty stoic, but could not hold back tears after hearing the news and reading Krauser’s & now your tribute to the late Tom Torero. This is testimony to his impact on my life.
    I am struggling to articulate the debt of gratitude I owe him. Furthermore, his contribution to the community has been immense.

    I did not know Tom in person that well having only met him 1 time in 2019, but after hearing the news from a friend, I genuinely felt as if a family member had passed away.

    Tom’s content acted as my companion on many euro jaunts and existential crises over the years!
    His weekly podcasts, and memoirs acted as a virtual mentor pushing me into sets and situations which I cherish to this day. His content surpassed meeting women. The friends I’ve made, the confidence and eye-opening advice I’ve gained etc.. It is immeasurable how much his content changed me as a person over the last decade.

    It was only a week ago, that I considered writing an email to him, just to see if he was doing ok, as he hadn’t posted in over a year.
    The email was never sent and thus I will live with that regret.

    The last 24 hours have been extremely tough. I wish Tom was here today to read the outpouring of support from the thousands of men he has positively impacted!

    I miss you Tom Torero. Rest in Peace..
    “Onwards and inwards” until we meet again my friend!
    P.S. If anyone is aware of funeral arrangements, or where we can send flowers to then please let me know..

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  3. Its sad to know that the Danya Hajjaji newsweek article contributed to take away almost all of his revenue sources and worsten his anxiety and depression .They should be sued for diffamation and manslaughter.

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  4. Thank you for penning your thoughts – I think this captures the experience of many men who had their eyes opened by Tom to what is possible. Not only did he make a charismatic figure out of what he had to work with (and how wonderful that you can become such an enigmatic man even though you are not born with above average looks – what an inspiration!), he was also kind, humorous, and always had time for a beer and a friendly kick up the arse to start doing approaches.
    It’s been four days now since I heard, and I am still saddened and in disbelief that he is gone, and that I will never bump into him in the streets of Warsaw, Kiev, or Prague. I also feel I should have reached out to him, especially when the articles started coming out – I could have texted him, I could have met him somewhere for a beer or whatever, and maybe, just maybe, it would have eased his pain, knowing that the boys in the community – for whom he did so much – had his back. I can’t help but wonder whether anyone reached out to him with comfort and encouragement – I hope they did – but I didn’t do it, and maybe others didn’t as well, and I could and SHOULD have done it because it would’ve cost me absolutely nothing, and to him, in whatever dark place he was – maybe, just maybe, he would have seen a way out of it. If only all the praise and kind words were told before and not after…

    You will be missed, Tom.

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