Lay Report: SDDL with a Pretty Persian

Another flag for the collection.

I went to Belgrade for 10 days at the end of May – it was a washout. I did around 60 sets closing half of them. I had 6 dates all with frigid girls, most of which who wouldn’t even kiss – it just wasn’t happening for me on that trip, but I was determined to rectify the anomaly.

I decided to go back for 3 days this weekend past as I had quite a lot of mildly interested long leads from the last trip. I had about 10 girls who were very texty texty right up until the moment I arrived in Belgrade – however, they all magically lost the ability to text as soon as the rubber hit the tarmac. It’s a common phenomenon for a seasoned Euro Jaunter – the girl feels very comfortable consuming the dopamine with each text from a man far, far away, then as soon as she is forced to shit or get off the pot she gets sucked into a proximity vacuum, never to be seen or heard from again.

So, I knew on arrival that it was all about getting new girls in a very short window, no easy task in a place like Belgrade. I did 8 sets on the Friday and 5 on the Saturday. I banged one of those on the Saturday night and almost banged another on the Sunday. Here’s the story…

I was strolling up Knez Mihailova with my old wing from Manchester, the Cheshire Cat (CC). It was around 30 degrees out and my balls were working up a good sweat, I’d forgotten to bring talcom powder and it was starting to get chafey down there. CC was rambling on about how good it was to wing with Nick Krauser and watch a real master at work. “What are you on about? You’ve always witnessed mastery when winging with me!” I countered, modestly.

As we walked in the direction of Kalemegdan I spotted a tiny little brown girl in denim short shorts approaching in the distance. She completed her look with a tight black vest which sported a surprisingly large cleavage and some black sandals. As she got closer I got a better look at her face, it wasn’t Serbian, but more Persian with a slightly pointy nose. I let her walk by and wasn’t even going to open until I noticed that her ass-cheeks were hanging out of her shorts, it was a sight to behold. I had no choice but to open.

I got in front and the hook point was instant. Reena was indeed Persian, from Iran and was only in town for a couple of days. It just so happened that she was looking for something to do that very evening. I told her I knew a few cool places and that I could, as it turned out, take her for a drink right away. Reena declined my kind offer as she was on her way to meet up with some couch surfers – a very K selected thing to do. However, she did have a counteroffer, asking me if I would be free at around 10pm. I told her that I could probably make some time and that I knew a couple of cool places down by the bridge where we could go. Reena liked this idea and told me she would wear a nice dress and put some make-up on.

OK, deal, see you later. said me.

Yes, hopefully you will not cancel on me. said Reena.

It was on like donkey kong. I went back to CC and announced that I was probably going to get laid barring any curve balls. An hour later I went for dinner with CC and Nick and pinged her a photo of my tasty beef steak – she responded quickly and asked if we could meet at 10:30pm instead. I agreed.

Reena eventually turned up to the meeting point near Republic Square at around 10.45pm. She wore a tight little orange dress which made her cleavage pop out and showed off her flat stomach which was adorned with a pierced belly button. It was safe to say that I really wanted to bang her.

As we walked she latched onto my arm and confessed that she’d had a couple of drinks with the couch surfers and was a little tipsy and hungry. I told her not to worry, I’d take her for food and water on the way. Sparing no expense, I took her to McDonalds and ordered her some chicken nuggets and a bottle of water – I had a beer. We sat on high stools and I ran my normal first venue structure as she dunked her nuggets into a small tub of ketchup. I found out that Reena was 27, was born in Tehran but had moved to Italy when she was a young girl and now lives in Austria. She told me that none of those places feel like home and that she struggles to fit in wherever she goes. She continued telling me how disappointed she was with most people in her life, she hated her parents for not making her more disciplined, she hated her ex-boyfriend because he wasn’t strong enough, she hated her friends for being fake. As she spoke, she would laugh nervously every 30 seconds or so. This girl clearly had some personal issues and I was starting to feel sorry for her, I think it’s a coincidence that I was also getting a boner at the same time.

Reena finished her nuggets and water and told me she was feeling much better, so we took a walk down towards the bridge. As we did so the wind started to pick up and it started to rain heavily. We were walking downhill but the wind was blowing dust and rain uphill and into our faces, Reena screamed “AAAAAH WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS WEATHER?!”

“Come on you, it’s not far from here…” I gave her a piggyback and jogged with her for a couple of hundred metres until we got to the bar, it was quite easy as she weighed about 45 kgs.

We got inside a Serbian rock bar which had a live band playing music that sounded very similar to Classic American rock but with Serbian Lyrics. I got the drinks in and we watched the band as we did more comfort. I really liked the band and tried to educate Reena as each song ripped off Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd and others, but she didn’t give a monkeys and told me she wanted to dance. We finished off the drinks and went across the road to a more clubby open air bar. It was around midnight now but the bar was still relatively empty. We got a table with a couch overlooking the hole bar and carried on with our drinks. The bar then quickly filled up and it seemed that we had the best seats in the house. It didn’t take long for me to go for the kiss and when I did, she was ravenous. The conversation quickly got very sexual, I asked what crazy stuff she gets up to and she unlocked her phone to show me some pictures. There was one of her on top of a mountain where she is posing topless but had covered her nipples for Instagram with flower emoticons. However, she accidently swiped to the original picture which showed off her glorious little boobies in all of their perty glory. Reena told me that she doesn’t like wearing bras and often flashes her boobs for fun. “Definitely not girlfriend material, this one” Thought me.

Reena couldn’t keep her hands off me and was biting my lips, neck and even my cheeks as she kissed and pawed at me, people in the bar were staring at us.

“Right, let’s go before you get us kicked out of here” Said me.

“OK, but where are we going?”

“I’ve got some wine at home, let’s go have a glass”

“But then we will just end up fucking!!”


“OK, OK”

It was now around 1am and the storm had passed so we strolled back to my place. There was no need for wine or more comfort, I put on some music and the clothes were straight off. The sex was VERY good, her body was lovely – a peachy little ass, tiny waist and large boobs for her size. Her small size made it easy to do all sorts of positions and we went at it for a good couple of hours before I finally gave in to exhaustion. At around 3am she asked if I would walk her back to her hostel to which I agreed. When we got there, she asked me to come in and fuck her again.

“Do you have your own room?” Said me.

“No, I’m sharing with 8 other guys”

“Uuuuhm, no thanks, but I’ll come in for a glass of water”

She walked us to the kitchen and no-one was around except the security guard who was passed out sleeping in the hallway. Renna jumped up onto the counter and we started kissing again. I tried to bang her right there but as I went to put it in, she pushed me straight out “No, you need to wear a condom!” I’d used my only two with her earlier. I relented, pulled her down from counter and pushed her down to her knees to finish me off with her mouth. The security guard didn’t even flinch in his chair.

I quite liked this girl despite the issues that she needs to sort out. She’s funny, cute and great in bed but clearly a bit of a loose cannon. I liked her so much that I even met her for dinner the next day (after losing an LMR battle with a Turkish 20 year old feminist) and I MAY even go visit her in Vienna.

Lay Report: Finally, an American


On Sunday I returned from pussy paradise empty handed for the first time ever, shock, horror! It’s a place I usually do well, but for whatever reason, nothing came through this time. The misery was compounded further by my wing Xants, who after getting his plus 1 early on in the trip, was not able to control his cat that got the cream grin for the rest of it. But that’s a story for another post.

The previous night I was up drinking and watching It’s always sunny in Philadelphia with Xants until 4am getting around 3 hours kip in before heading off for the airport at 8am. I returned home in a tired, hungover mess with my tail tucked firmly between my legs at around 2pm. I felt like shit but I really didn’t want to sit in the apartment moping, especially since it was such a beautiful day outside, summer seemed to have arrived in London. I pinged Xants and he reluctantly agreed to join me for a cheeky session.

We met up on Argyll street at 3pm and made our way South whilst trying to drum up some vibe, but both were struggling from the exertions of the previous 10 days. In my head I was just happy to be outside and any sets would be a bonus.

As we were approaching Picadilly Xants spotted some skirt in a skirt and ran after it. I loitered nearby whilst he accused her of being a hamster when that all too familiar spider sense tingle tingled in my bones. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a short brunette crossing the road to walk away from me. I hadn’t seen her face but she wore a black beret, a black boob tube, black short shorts and black doc martins. It was worth further investigation.

I got in front and delivered my spiel, I can’t remember what my opener was, but she liked it whatever it was. Turned out Stacey was visiting from America for a few days on a business trip and was on her way to Buckingham Palace to see the Queen. Her family came from Asian decent but she was very Californian. It was a quite a quick set but it felt on, her eye contact was strong and she touched me a couple of times as I popped a few jokes, this was a yes girl and I knew it very early on. I tried for the idate but she was insisting on going to see the Queen.

OK, OK, you do that and we can go for a beer when your finished.

OK sounds good, where?

There’s a pub just up there, we’ll meet there.

What’s it called?

I have no idea, my brain is not working today – I couldn’t remember the name of it despite having been there loads of times. I took her number and we went our separate ways. I returned to a bewildered Xants as he had no idea where I’d ran off to;

Think I’ve got a date in an hour, if she turns up I’ll probably bang her.


What’s the name of that pub we always go to near the whole foods?

The glassblower!

I pinged Stacey the name of the pub to receive only 1 tick on whatsapp, she hadn’t been online since the morning. BALLS. I sweated for the next hour as I walked around, what felt like a nailed on notch was slipping away as she didn’t seem to have data on her phone. Eventually she came back to me and we agreed to meet in the pub at 5.30pm.

I got there bang on time and there was no sign of Stacey. I bought myself a pint of Peroni and stood outside the bar in the Sun. She arrived 15 minutes late.

I got her a pint of cider and we sat on the stools tucked in the corner to the side of the entrance, if you’re ever in this bar it’s a great spot as it feels like your own little part of the bar that no-one can enter.

We turned our stools to face each other with knees touching. Stacey apologised for being late and explained how two other guys had approached her since I did a couple of hours previous. One of them was creepy and the other guy (an “Asian” guy called Ash) was cool, but I was more handsome and charming. These type of things never happen in LA said Stacey and she wished that they would, she admired the bravery.

I thanked her and gave the usual spiel of how it’s so much better than online dating, she gave me the usual questions, do you this all the time? are you some sort of player? However the vibe was different, it wasn’t shit testy, it was as if she WANTED me to say yes. Then Stacey dropped what she thought would be a bombshell;

I feel like I probably should have told you this earlier but…

You’re a virgin?!

hahaha noooo – punches me on the arm

I have a boyfriend back in LA so I probably shouldn’t be here.

Well, I don’t mind.

It’s just you seem so fun and interesting, I wanted to find out more about you.

This was all within the first couple of sips. She offered up token resistance but I knew it was in the bag, all I had to do was not fuck it up.

We carried on with the comfort fluff, I found out Stacey was 24, was in London to secure some sort of deal for her company and was staying in a top end hotel in Leciester Square. I avoided asking about her boyfriend entirely. Towards the end of our drink I asked…

What are you doing now?

I’m free, wanna hang out a little longer?

OK, but I know a better place, let’s go for a walk.


As we got outside the weather had taken a turn for the worse, the sky was grey and the air was gusting, it felt like it was about to rain and my place was a 20 minute walk away. We started walking up Regent street as she was rambling on about something. I saw a black cab with a yellow light on the opposite side of the road, stuck my hand out and the cab pulled over. I grabbed Stacey’s hand and pulled her across the road with me…

Youuuuu’re CRAZY, you’re gonna get us killed hahaha

We hopped in the cab and she curled up in ball against my shoulder whilst giggling away.

Marylebone High Street mate. Said me.

I probably could have taken her straight home and she wouldn’t have objected. But I hadn’t kissed her yet and I felt like another beer so we alighted at the pub across the road from my house. I got the drinks and pointed Stacey in the direction of the couch whilst I paid. She obeyed.

As soon as I sat down beside her I pulled her in for the kiss and she almost melted into me. She moaned and rubbed at my chest.

Ohhhh damn

What’s wrong?

I don’t think I can drink with you anymore.


Can we go back to my hotel?!

Oh… that’s miles away, I only live across the road.

Oh, haha you’re clever.

Nah, it’s just a coincidence.

We finished our drinks and went back to mine. There were some awkward introductions with Ricky Roma (who was in a t-shirt and boxers) and his girlfriend in the kitchen. I hadn’t seen them in two weeks so Ricky quickly switched from “how was your trip?!” to “and who’s this?”.

Eventually I got Stacey into my room and the clothes quickly came off (no guitar serenade or comfort building chit chat necessary) and I banged her raw-dog. The sex was amazing mainly because Stacey was a very sexual girl and liked to make noises, this always makes me cum quickly and I did.

The most interesting part of this lay is probably what happened afterwards. It was only approaching 8pm after we put ourselves back together so I invited Stacey out for a romantic dinner at the burger place around the corner. She agreed to join.

I ordered a bottle of red and we both ate burgers. Stacey started to open up as we did so. She told me that she’d been with her boyfriend for four years, she really really likes him and so do all her friends and family. He is her BEST FRIEND. But there’s no passion, no fire, no arguments and the sex is boring. She wished that he could fuck her like I just did.

What should I do?

Tell me more about this guy.

He’s 28, a bit of a nerd but really friendly and funny.

How many women has he been with?

I think only one before me.

There’s your problem right there.

Why, how many have you been with?

I’ve had my fair share.


Closer to double.

I’m not surprised… so what should I do?

Honestly? I think you’re wasting your time with him. You’re not getting any younger and your looks will only decline with the years.

But, but, I have some Asian in me, they stay young forever.

There’s a chance this guy will change, but to do that he needs to be single. He needs to face up to the harsh reality of the world and learn that being the nice guy might get the girl, but it certainly won’t keep her. You are holding each other back.

OMG!! That makes so much sense.

We chatted for another hour or so before we went back to her swanky hotel and I banged her again and again into the night, she couldn’t get enough and neither could I after a very frustrating Eurojaunt.

So I went all the way to America and didn’t get the American flag, I went on a Eurojaunt and didn’t get laid and then the day I get back to London I FINALLY get the American flag. The complete randomness of daygame is one of the few things that keeps me in it.