Lay Report: Give Up

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Not this hot. 

It was 10pm on a cold and windy Saturday night in New York City and my flight back to London was at 9am the next morning. I had all but given up the ghost trying to get laid having endured a miserable 10 days in the concrete jungle where dreams are crushed. I’d spoken to over 100 girls [1] in that time and only had one date from daygame which ended in a near miss, I couldn’t catch a break. But then I caught two within 30 minutes of each other…

Mr Arrgh and I had spent the afternoon in the Uptown area visiting an old Irish friend of mine. We decided to take the metro back to the usual hunting grounds of East Village and Soho for some last minute bar/gutter game at around 9pm. When we were on the subway I spotted an older (early to mid-thirties) blonde girl in brown heeled cowboy boots, tight blue denim jeans, a white boob tube which showed off a bit of stomach and cleavage and a brown fur coat. She looked filthy, I turned to Mr Arrgh – “If she gets off at the same stop as us, I’m opening”.

The moon and the stars aligned as we all departed at the same time, I followed her as she swayed her hips with every step up the stairs, she was horny. When we got to street level I waited for her to cross the road and then jumped in front. It was a very busy intersection and lots of people looked on as I did so…

Excuuuuuuse me young lady! I just had to tell you that I love this outfit, you look like a feisty little bear, it’s hot. – Not the most imaginative opener, but it didn’t matter.

One bystander, a young girl stood to my right couldn’t contain her excitement, as she watched on…

Oh My GOOOOOD, that is soooooo cute! Why does that never happen to me?!

The cougar burst out laughing before calling over to the other girl;

I know, this guy’s got some balls, right?! – She still hadn’t spoken to me.

When things calmed down the cougar asked me how long I was in town for. I told her I was leaving the next morning and pushed for the idate, however she was already on her way to a date with another guy.

This is a real shame, you’re hot! I would definitely go on a date with you if you were here longer.

I have an idea, we can meet up later if your date is not going well.

OK sure, you have Instagram?

We exchanged instagrams and went our separate ways. Mr Arrgh and I carried on walking and soon after a cute girl walked towards us, she had one of those big puffy Canada Goose coats on and was listening to music on her airpods.

Excuuuuse me, you look very happy, you’re practically dancing down the street!

Haha thank you, yes I listen to this happy music. – She took off her airpods and put them in my ears, it sounded like a cross between Arabic and Irish folk.

That is definitely not American and neither is your accent.

No, I’m from Azerbaijan [2] but living here now.

Margret was very chatty and had a spaced-out vibe about her. I found out that she had been living in New York for 10 years, worked for the UN and did a lot of yoga. At that moment in time I was guessing she was mid to late 20’s and I’d put her as a low 7 [3]. Margret was on her way home after having dinner with her friends…

Boring! I have a better idea, let’s go for a drink right now!

Oh, ok, why not!

I bounced her to the closest bar and got us both a drink. It was crowded and noisy so I told her to drink up quickly. We took a long walk (around 20 mins) to a bar close to my apartment. On the way I spun out a story about an episode of black mirror in which a girl spikes a guys drink after inviting him back to her apartment and kills him [4], thus framing her as the dangerous one and me the innocent.

At around midnight we reached a bar called Clockwork, a grotty 24-hour dive bar, my favourite sort of place. I motioned Margret towards a couch whilst I got a couple of drinks in. When I was at the bar I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was the cougar, she’d messaged to say that her date was bad, she was on her way home and that I should come that way. I’d gone from barely having a sniff all trip to being booty called whilst being a whisker away from a SDL with another girl. Fuck my life. What to do? Obviously, I decided I would try and do both…

I escalated quickly and we were kissing within 10 minutes. Soon after I suggested another walk, along the way I stopped to buy a bottle of wine, she didn’t ask why I was doing so, she knew what was happening.

We got into the apartment, I demanded she take her shoes off and we went straight to the bedroom. The clothes were off quickly and I was anticipating some well deserved wild sex. I went to stick it in raw dog, I got two strokes [5] in before she jumped off and told me that she was a virgin. I laughed at her, there was no way she was a virgin, I’d have felt her hymen break. I played along and told her she wasn’t a virgin anymore, she insisted she was. I didn’t care, I had my notch as far as I was concerned. I pushed her head down to my dick and she kindly finished me off with her mouth.

I told her she needed to leave shortly afterwards as my friend (Mr Arrgh) was coming to sleep on my couch so I walked her back to the subway. It was now around 2.30am, I’d have to be up at 5am to pack and get to the airport on time for my flight. I decided I wasn’t going to sleep, I pinged the cougar and told her I was coming, and then 1 minute later I messaged her again telling her that I wasn’t coming. I figured she was probably sleeping by now as she last messaged me more than 2 hours ago and it would be a better idea to get some rest.

I walked myself to a Mexican takeaway place for a victory burrito, went home and filled Mr Arrgh in on the evening’s events. Then at 4am I made the wise decision to have a power nap and get up at 5am for my 9am flight. I set three alarms on my phone to make triple sure I’d wake up and drifted off to sleep. Of course, I slept through all three alarms, waking up at 8.30am to look at my phone. FUUUUUUCK. I awoke in a panic and then quickly realised there wasn’t much I could do about it now, so I rolled back over, went to sleep and paid for another flight that evening when I awoke.

So there you go kids – the best way to get laid in New York is to give up. All that never give up stuff is a load of bollocks. And yes, I’m a retard.

 

 

 

 

1 – Daygame and bargame. I’ll summarise the trip in another post.

2 – New flag.

3 – It was dark and I’d had a couple of beers. I met her the next day for coffee to give back her ear rings she’d left on my bedside table. She was a 6.

4 – The episode is called White Christmas, I reference it a lot on dates.

5 – Minimum number required as per PUA standard set by Krauser

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Lay Report: Mysterious Eritrean

Fridays evenings are very hit and miss for the old daygaming. Usually my vibe isn’t on point as I’ve typically been sat in front of a screen all day without speaking to any humans. I’m usually tired from the week and my urge to sack it off and go to the pub is overpowering. Most girls are in groups and are either in a hurry to get home and doll themselves up before hitting the town, or they’re on their way out. But, sometimes, just sometimes there is a solo girl wandering around begging to be SDL’d (Exhibit A).  This is not one of those stories…

Friday 22 February

I was solo and I’d been blown out 6 times from the previous 7 sets  – the pub was calling. As I stood outside M&S having just relieved my bladder I pinged the lads to see who was up for a pint. Of course Mr S and Xants were well keen. As I put my phone away and started to make my way to Carnaby street I saw a short little black girl with curly hair dressed all in black perched against the wall with her head in her phone.

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Exhibit B

My taste in women seems to change with the seasons. For me, a woman of any colour can be hot and if she’s hot enough I will open. At that moment in time my cravings for a black girl were reaching jungle fever pitch levels – I hadn’t had one in 6 months!

As I opened her head lifted slowly from her phone and she gazed at me as I ran through the prattle. Something about her looking like she could be one of the backing singers in a 60’s motown band. She didn’t react and carried on staring at me as if she was trying to see into my soul.

Can you speak?

What? Oh, yeah, of course.

You seemed to be in a daze.

haha maybe I’m still jet lagged, I only arrived from Australia a couple of days ago.

Oh I assumed you were English.

Lisa told me she was from Melbourne and had travelled to London in search of a job so that she could realise her dreams and explore all of Europe with London as her base. Sounded familiar. We had a lot in common and chatted for a good ten minutes before she told me she had to go meet her friend. I took her number and we went our separate ways.

Later that evening I sent the feeler – she read it and didn’t reply. BALLS.

A few days later I sent her a photo ping of me in the gym. She sent me 4 messages in a row apologising for not replying and asking how I was. LIVE LEAD!

I offered up Thursday or Friday for the date and she chose Friday. Always a good sign if a girl is giving up her Friday night for you.

Friday 1 March

We met at Baker street station and she was 15 minutes late. I actually thought she was flaking as she wasn’t much of a texter, she didn’t use emoticons and took 24 hours to reply.

Lisa looked great – black heeled boots, black fishnet tights, a red miniskirt, a black blouse showing off just the right amount of cleavage and a brown furry coat. I took her to the usual two venues, first a pub and second a speakeasy.

I found out Lisa was 24 and wasn’t from Australia, she’d only been living there since she was 13, this explained her darker complexion. I prodded some more and she asked me to guess where she was from, telling me that I’d never get it. “Challenge accepted!” said a smug me, having spent a long time in Africa myself. I went through all the big countries; South Africa – No, Nigeria – No, Zimbabwe? – No, Congo? -No!, Cameroon? – No.

OK, I give up, just tell me

Eritrea.

Say what now?

Eritrea!

It’s a country? – I’d genuinely never heard of it.

Lisa had an aloofness about her and seemed to know what she wanted from life – a rare quality in a young girl. She didn’t do social media, didn’t like texting and had never done online dating. She told me that she had never been in a relationship and wasn’t looking for one. She had only ever been on three dates.

So you’re a virgin?

What do you think?

I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

I got her back to the flat that night and was kissing her on my bed, I went to rub her vagina over the top of her tights and felt a pad…

It’s not your lucky day.

Damn! Which day is it?

Second.

I could always put a towel down.

Nah.

Her drunk friend rang her shortly afterwards and she jumped in an uber to go meet her. I had no idea if I’d see her again.

I pinged her the following Sunday and she was still keen so we agreed to meet the following Thursday. On Wednesday she sent me a link to a bar in Covent Garden asking if I’d been there. I told her I hadn’t but I could see where this was going, she knew where I lived and wanted to meet far away from my place. I told her I might take her there some time.

Thursday 7 March 

Around lunch time I text her telling her that I’d meet her at Bond street station, ignoring her suggestion. We agreed on 7.30pm.

At 7pm she text me a google maps location to another bar telling me that she was having a drink with a friend. She was trying to take the frame again and I was preparing for a long night ahead. I checked where it was on the map and it was actually quite close to my apartment – “OK, I’m running late, I’ll be there closer to 8pm.”

I arrived at the place to find that it was a very nice wine bar, she had inadvertently found a new date venue for me. Lisa was sat on a high stool alongside her friend. I approached them both from behind, stood between them and tapped Lisa on the shoulder.

Heeeeey! How are ya?!

Lisa introduced me to her friend who was a proper Australian.

Ah you sound way more Australian than her. – I gave Lisa another tap on the shoulder.

Born and raised! Anyway, I gotta go, I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it!

Her friend upped and left and I took her stool and ordered some wine. We caught up on the weeks events and I’d noticed that her hair looked different, she’d straightened it. I ran my hands through it, pulled her in towards me and took a sniff.

Ah coconut, I like it.

Hey! Don’t pull my hair!

You don’t like having your hair pulled?

Well, it depends on the situation – Lisa had a mischievous smile.

Ah I see, so like if you fell down a ditch and I pulled you back out with your hair?

Yeah, I guess that would be one situation.

You wanna be careful, there’s lots of ditches around here.

Lisa laughed and punched me on the arm. It was on. I walked her to another basement bar near my apartment and we sat alongside each other on a couch. There was lots of kissing and she could barely keep her hands off me. As we finished our first glass of wine I suggested we go for a walk (back to mine).

OK, but I need the bathroom, can you wait here a sec?

Sure.

I sat there waiting for half an hour! Was she drunk? Was she being sick? Was she taking a massive dump? Had she run out the back door? I discounted the last one as her coat and hand bag were still with me. As I was about to ask the waitress to go into the bathroom to check on her, she emerged and didn’t offer up any explanation or apologies.

Did you fall down the toilet?!

What? No.

What took you so long?

I just needed to breathe.

You feeling ok?

Yeah, I’m fine!

You want to go home?

Maybe.

It was odd. I walked us to my place anyway and she came in. Lisa told me she was starving and hadn’t eaten all day. I cooked her some toast and a cup of tea and we chatted nonsense in the kitchen for about an hour. It was now pushing midnight and I had to be up for work in the morning.

I took her to the bedroom and the clothes came off quickly before she said “Where’s your condom?” – The sex was weird. She liked kissing a lot which was nice given that she had big juicy lips but she didn’t like it when I was rough and wouldn’t let me bang her doggy, she also refused to suck my dick. I blew a load into the condom and we lay there chatting for a few minutes. I attempted the usual debrief but she gave me nothing – she refused to answer when I asked her the last time she’d had sex, how many times she had sex or when she decided to have sex with me. I was intrigued, but one thing was for sure, she definitely wasn’t a virgin.

We went at it again for about an hour, raw dog this time, but I couldn’t cum again. We both collapsed in a sweaty mess at around 02:00. I forgot to set an alarm and woke up at around 08:30, the lights were still on and the music was still playing on my laptop. I woke her up and told her she needed to leave. Lisa ordered an uber and was gone by 08:45. I have no idea whether I’ll see her again.