Lay Report: An unexpected long lead comes through

Not quite this many tattoos.

It was 23 June and I only had a couple of days left in St.Petersburg. I was content with my results for the trip so far and was taking things easy. Gollum the great gamma and I had grown tired of circling the well-trodden daygame route – Galleria mall, up Nevsky as far as the KFC on the corner, cross the road and back the other side of Nevsky towards the mall, rinse, repeat. To escape groundhog day we decided to go for a walk up the Western end of Nevsky prospect and it turned out there was a street festival on that day. We spotted a little pop up bar/café just off the side of the main strip and decided to rest our weary legs and watch the world go by.

I was nursing yet another hangover, Gollum was feeling drained due to his latest obsession – “Getting SHREDDED” – which seemed to be a diet that consisted of eating packets of sandwich ham and nothing else. As we sat there discussing the joys of this wonderful city and our plans to come back in the new year I couldn’t help but notice a cute little blond as she was about to cross the road walking away from us.

Sorry Gollum, I have to open that. And off I went.

I got in front and as soon as I did so a wide smile broke out on Nastia’s face. Instantly I felt a surge of vibe pulse through my veins as my hangover receded for the next ten minutes. She was blonde, around 5’3”, had a piercing on her nose and wore a tight white blouse which showed off a nice cleavage but the icing on the cake was her ass. She wore tight grey faded jeans which seemed to make her ass stick out so much that you could use it as a shelf. Nastia was very bubbly and carried most of the set for me, asking where I was from, what I was doing in “Piter” and why. I found out that she was working in construction and was originally from somewhere in the far East of Russia. I went for the idate as I only had a couple of days left but Nastia was on her way to meet some friends. We exchanged numbers and off she went.

As I mentioned here, I got her out the next day. We met early on a Sunday afternoon as she had to be up early for work the next day. I took her to the usual two venues, a wine bar followed by a dark cocktail bar. There’s a very secluded couch at the back of this cocktail bar which makes it an excellent second venue. As I sat there with Nastia Seven walked in with his latest date and was walking straight to my table. He saw me sitting there, gave me a stare as if to say “You bastard, that’s my table!” and led his girl to the other side of the bar whilst sighing loudly. I’d already kissed Nastia and as I floated the idea of going back to mine she said that she had to get home to finish some work. I walked her back to the metro kissed her goodbye and didn’t get her out again. I’d assumed that was the end of it.

Upon returning from Russia I received an e-mail from FIFA –as a gesture of goodwill to celebrate the success of the World Cup, anyone with a FIFA fan ID could return to Russia without a new visa for the rest of 2018. I decided to take advantage of this and booked myself a flight back for a long weekend. A few weeks before I was due to fly out I sent a screenshot of my flight details to around 20 unclosed leads, including Nastia. Around half them replied and two of them were keen to meet.

On the Friday night I met up with a girl I had 3 dates with on my previous trip but I never got the lay as she was on her period. I thought it was in the bag for a first night lay – she turned up looking stunning in a black dress, drank a few glasses of wine, got her back to the flat and she gave me the same excuse yet again. I was furious and I did not hide it.

Why didn’t you tell me this before? You knew I was coming on this date, couldn’t you have frigged your system to change when your period arrived?! She looked shocked and confused. I tried to persuade her to let me just put a towel down but she said there was too much blood. I asked her if it would be cleared up by Sunday, my last night, and she said that it probably would be. I told her I would take her out again on Sunday and she seemed keen but warned me that she was afraid to have sex with me as she would fall in love, I would leave and she would be left with a broken heart. I didn’t have an answer for her. The best I could come up with was;

Well, I’ll definitely be back in the new year.

Whilst this was true, I knew that if I banged her I would probably never want to see her again, I left that part out. As I sit here now on Sunday afternoon I don’t currently have any other solid leads lined up so I’ll probably try again with her tonight but the odds are slim.

Back to Nastia.

She agreed to meet me at 6pm on the Saturday evening. I wasn’t expecting much from this date, she had requested it to be early so she could get home early and she wasn’t very on on the first date.

I met her at Mayakovskaya metro and she was bang on time. It was literally freezing outside, -2oC to be precise and Nastia was well insulated in a huge puffy jacket and scarf which covered her from head to ankles with a pair of white trainers – she did not look sexual at all and I was disappointed. She kissed me on the lips as we greeted and gave me a huge hug, good start. I walked her to a quiet wine bar that I had googled earlier on. It turned out to be a great venue, not busy, very quiet and plenty of couches. As Nastia delayered her scarf and coat my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. She giggled and asked me if I was ok.

Yes, yes – you look different!

And she did. Underneath the coat Nastia wore a tight black boob tube and tight black pants. She seemed to be in much better shape than when we met in June, everything looked tighter. I really wanted to bang her.

Have you been hitting the gym?

Yes, I’ve been doing yoga and gym three or four times a week.

I approve.

I ordered us a bottle of Georgian red wine and she cozied up next to me as we caught up. I proceeded to drink most of the bottle as Nastia sipped her way through the equivalent of one glass for the next hour and a half. The conversation flowed and we kissed a couple of times.

You know it’s rude in Russian culture to kiss in public

Well, what should we do about this?

I think you can figure it out

It was now around 8pm, I had organised to meet my regular from June at 10pm so I needed to move things along faster. I asked for the bill and walked us in the direction of my apartment. We got to the front door and I invited her up for one more glass of wine. She wobbled at first but I re-assured her that she could leave whenever she wanted. She agreed.

As we entered the flat we both took off our shoes and I gave her a tour of my ridiculously oversized apartment – it had 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms and cost me £10 a night, quite a different from the rates during the world cup. Nastia made herself comfortable on the couch and I poured the wine. We chatted and watched videos on youtube and the time flew by. I showed her videos of Bambi struggling to walk through a snowy field – that’s what it’s like when an English girl tries to walk in heels I explained to Nastia and she packed up with laughter. I checked the time and it was almost 9:30. SHIT, time to escalate! I put the laptop to one side and got on top of her, kissed her and groped her breasts.

Can you dim the lights?

I switched the lights off and returned to her.

And can we listen to something other than Disney music?! Youtubehad cycled on to Lion king clips and the circle of life was not making Nastia wet.

The clothes came off quickly and I was surprised to see that Nastia was covered in tattoos – all in places which are not visible when clothed,I don’t normally like this look but she pulled it off. The sex was amazing and after I banged her the first time my phone started vibrating on the bedside table. It was now 10:15 and my regular was calling me as I was 15 minutes late. I text her back asking if we could meet at 11pm instead and she responded quickly with a tirade of furious Russian expletives. I felt like a proper cunt because I really liked this girl. As I replied to apologise Nastia grabbed my cock and put it in her mouth and moaned as she sucked on it – she seemed to like the taste. I put the phone back on the table and my feelings of guilt disappeared for the next 45 minutes as we carried on fucking. I collapsed in an exhausted sweaty mess and told Nastia that I needed to kick her out as I was now an hour late to meet my “friend”. She quickly got her stuff together and I walked her back to the tube. It was now around 11:15 and I was late to meet my rescheduled date with the regular. I messaged her asking where she was and she told me that she’d gone home – “I can’t believe you did this to me, I thought you were better than this”. Ouch, I guess that’s that romance dead.

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Lay Report: Tits out – Gash out

blonde-girl-blue-eyes-in-depth-of-field
Slightly older than this.

I bagged my 14th daygame lay of the year at the weekend to end a 6 week dry spell – it felt a LOT longer than that. I opened this girl back in April 2016 and I banged her on Saturday, two and a half years later, my longest lead ever. Here’s the story…

11 April 2016

I wasn’t living in London at the time but I was coming down every week for work. It was a Monday evening and I was buzzing with enthusiasm to be daygaming in London. I was up the Baghdad end of Oxford street when I saw her standing outside of Selfridges faffing about with loads of shopping bags as she tried to light a cigarette. She was short, around 5′ 2″, with a slim figure, blond hair and blue eyes. Probably Swedish said my newbie calibration. I hovered outside Selfridges whilst I eyed her up and tried to summon the courage to open before she caught me looking at her, FUCK. Then…

SCUSE ME, YOU GOT A LIGHTA?! Hollered the blondie in a loud cockney accent in my direction.

Uhhm, yes, yes I do.

I was thrown off guard. I lit her cigarette whilst frantically searching my brain for game. Nothing.

YOU’RE NOT FRUM ERE ARE YA? She was loud.

Uuuuhm, no, no I’m not… Where do you think I’m from? I remembered some game!

I recovered the set from here and found out that Louise was not from Sweden, she was a cockney from Camden and had a passion for poetry. We chatted for a good 10 minutes whilst she chain smoked three cigarettes. I recall trying to idate her but she told me she had to get home to make dinner for her boyfriend. I told her that it sounded like a serious relationship…

IT’S COMPLICATED!

I can work with complicated.

HAHAHA, OH CAN YOU NOW? YOU’VE GOT SOME BALLS DONTCHA!

Why yes, yes I do.

Louise had a lot of banter, I normally struggle with girls who are louder than me but it was different with this one, I enjoyed the back and forth and she was hot, a low 8. I took her number, we texted back and forth for a few weeks, but I never got her out.

10 September 2018

It was a Monday again. I was going through a bit of a purple patch in September, every set I opened went well and I’d already gotten two daygame lays in the previous week. I recall getting home from work and heading out to do an hour of solo daygame. I was walking on the North side of Oxford street in the Baghdad direction when I spotted a curvy blond in dark navy double denim and black high heels. I looked her up and down as she walked towards me. She looked straight back at me, she was actually staring at me. IOI, IOI, That’s a huuuuge IOI thought me. I let her walk by to check her out from behind, as I did so she looked back at me too…

I KNOW YOU DON’T AH?!

I instantly remembered the brash cockney accent. She looked different though, she’d put on weight, but in all the right places and had an impressive rack. Two and a half years is a long time in girl years and it showed as I noticed she’d started to develop crows feet around her eyes. She was now a 7.

Uuuuhm, yes, yes you do. I met you outside Selfridges, right?

THAT’S IT, YEEEEAH. I SEE YOU’RE STILL PROWLING OXFORD STREET CHATTING UP BIRDS THEN!

haha, well someone has to be chivalrous in this day and age.

YEAH, IT’S GOOD… WELL HOW ARE YA?! YOU MOVED AWAY FOR A BIT DI’NT YA?

We chatted for around 10 minutes as I filled her in on the preceding two and a half years and then I asked how she was doing…

I’M GOOD… WELL, ACTUALLY, NOT REALLY. I JUST SPLIT UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND. THAT’S WHY I NEVER CAME OUT WIF YA, THIS IS MAD INNIT. WE BREAK UP AND I BUMP INTO YOU IN THE STREET AGAIN. AIN’T IT FUNNY?!

It must be written in the stars… what are you doing now?

It was around 7.30pm, Louise told me that she needed to get some shopping done before everywhere closed. I told her we could meet for a drink when she was finished her shopping and she agreed.

YOU DON’T REMEMBER MY NAME, DO YA?

You don’t remember mine either.

Touche luv

My name is Roy.

Louise – do you still have my number?

I pulled out my phone and searched her name, about 10 Louise’s popped up (I never delete girls numbers), I quickly scanned the profile pictures and pressed hers before she saw all the others.

‘Louise Poet’, this is you, right?

HAHA YEEEAH, THAT’S ME

I couldn’t see our chat history as I’d gotten a new phone since the first time we met. I pinged her my name and told her to text me when she was ready for a drink.

We met at around 9pm near Oxford street and walked in the direction of my apartment and had a drink at the bar just across from it. I escalated hard and we kissed several times. It was last orders in the bar at 11pm so I tried to bounce her back to my flat. We got to the front door and Louise told me that it was too soon and that she had to get her last train home. I walked her to Baker street tube and she said “next time I’ll come in”.

A couple of weeks passed and we pinged back and forth. We were both busy, I was away a lot with work and she was always busy on the weekends, but we arranged to meet on a Saturday night at the end of September. A few hours before the date she sent me a long rambling message about how she wasn’t ready to date anyone yet as she still wasn’t over her ex. I told her not to worry and that she could text me when she was ready.

Every couple of weeks I sent her a photo ping and she was always very responsive and eventually invited herself out saying that she thought she was “in a better place”. We arranged to meet at 7pm on Saturday past.

10 November 2018

It was raining buckets all day, I was full of a cold and I was pretty certain that Louise was flaking as she was messaging me complaining about the rain. I honestly wouldn’t have minded if she did as I felt like shit. But she didn’t.

She arrived bang on time and had really made an effort. Black high heels, black tights, a short tight black dress which showed off her busty cleavage and a black leather jacket. She’d put a fair bit of make up on too so she looked like a proper slosh pot – I really wanted to bang her.

I walked us to an old boozer for the first venue. I got the drinks in and we sat opposite each other as we caught up. A few minutes in and we were already talking about her messed up past. Louise told me that she had a lot of health problems up until the age of 25 and didn’t lose her virginity until she was 27 (she had just turned 30) and had only ever had sex with three people.

Oh, well that’s both good and bad

What do you mean?

Well you’re obviously not a slut, but it also means you’re probably not very good in bed.

Well, what would you say if I told you I didn’t ave a gag reflex?

Uuuuhhhm

Speechless now, aintchya… watch this

Louise lifted her vape pen up off of the table, it was about 20cm long, and proceeded to slide the whole thing down her throat and held it there for a few seconds before pulling it out. She didn’t gag.

Bet you wasn’t expecting that woz ya?

No, no I was not. Interesting party trick you have there.

We moved from the first bar at 8pm to go to the usual speakeasy I normally take my girls to. As we were walking Louise complained that it was cold out.

It’s not cold, this is mild

Well, I’m wearing a little dress and my tit’s are anging out

This is true

I’m tits out – gash out and you’re dressed for winta

You’re what?

TITS OUT, GASH OUT!!

Is gash what I think it is?

Course it fuckin’ is. Ain’t you eva eard of that sayin??

We eventually arrived at the second venue and sat near a fire so Louise could warm her tits and gash. We sat on a couch and were all over each other but she kept saying things like “I’m not easy you know, you’ll ave to work ard to get me inta bed”. Of course, of course said me. At around 9 I started floating the idea of going back to mine but she wanted to go to a club. FUCK. I told her how much I hated clubs and how I was a terrible dancer.

Pleeeease, just an hour or two and then we can go back to yours, promise.

The night was still young and I didn’t have to be up early so I reluctantly agreed, lose the battle to win the war. I ordered an uber to Leicester square and 20 minutes later we were in a club called Zoo bar, she paid both our entry fees. As we walked in I was instantly reminded why I hate clubs, the music was deafening, it was a cock-fest and the few girls that were there were mingers. It reminded me why daygame will always be king.

Louise got the drinks in and we stood at the edge of the dance floor as she danced around me. After around 20 minutes of this she got bored and sat on a stool near the dance floor, I stood facing her between her legs. She was kissing me a lot and grabbed my hand and put it on her crotch. I rubbed her pussy over the top of her tights and was just about to pull them down so I could finger her. Then I felt someone tug me hard on my left arm and yank me away from her. I turned in a fit of rage ready say some mean words to my assailant only to discover it was a huge black man and he was also the bouncer. He shouted at me;

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOIN MATE? YOU CAN’T DO THAT IN ERE!

I’m not doing anything mate, I was just kissing my girl

Then, Louise had to pipe up;

OI WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?! WE WEREN’T DOIN NUFFIN, LOOK I’M FULLY DRESSED, LEAVE US ALONE!

This seemed to convince the bouncer that we weren’t up to anything (we were) and he left us alone. Soon after this we finished up our drinks and I ordered an uber back to mine. It was plain sailing from here on in. We got back to the flat, I poured the wine and we fucked like rabbits. Unsurprisingly, Louise was VERY good at blowjobs, she swallowed my cock whole and loved it when I face fucked her hard.

I gave her the usual debrief and she told me that if I didn’t come to the club with her she would have went home, so it was definitely worthwhile going.

Time to hibernate?

7e8ea57282724fc65f63cb3e7a1e06b5-1400
The desert signifies my dry patch and I like leopards and hot girls. Deep.

It’s been very quiet on here for one simple reason – I am not getting laid [1]. October was the first month this year where I didn’t get a new notch. The Bulgarian has become a regular, I’ve given another regular to Xants [2] and I’ve been dating another couple of girls that I STILL haven’t converted to notches [3]. However, I did go on a “Euro Jaunt” recently. Actually it was more of a piss-up due to the company in tow; Xants, Mr S, his brother and I. 3 out of 4 of us got laid despite the drunken debauchery…

It was our last jaunt of the year, we all had a week of leave left and wanted to use it before it got too cold. Our destination prerequisites were – not too expensive, not too far, not too cold, hot girls and good night life. It was a close call between Kiev and Warsaw – we went with the latter due to the non-existent night life in Kiev and my constant re-assurances to the lads of how much easier it was to get laid in Warsaw. Oh the irony.

We flew out on a Friday night and our spirits were high – boys on tour and all that. We set the tone for the holiday before it began by having a couple of pints at Kings Cross station before getting the train to the airport, then another few pints at the airport, then a few cans of beer on the plane journey there.

Luck of the randomly allocated air plane seat lottery sandwiched me between a cute blonde girl to my left and a not so cute Mr S to my right. As we made ourselves comfortable the gamma in me was explaining to Mr S how I’d downloaded lots of Netflix shows on my phone to watch on the flight.

Why dontchya watchit on hur compuder? Mr S countered.

The girl to my left piped up…

Oh I don’t have any Netflix on this. She had a macbook on her lap

Ignore my friend – he’s Irish. Said me

Fuck dis – I’m goin ta sleep. Said Mr S.

And with that Mr S. proceeded to fall asleep whilst I carried on chatting to the blondie that he technically opened. She was a fashion consultant who travelled the world regularly, advised people how to dress and took pictures of them. She was originally from Poland and was on her way home to see her family for a few days. Our conversation fizzled out after 15 minutes and then she fell asleep. Soon after the drinks lady arrived and Mr S and I got on the beer. As we landed I took the blondies number as she had invited me to a party the next evening. I’d number closed before I’d even touched down in Poland – this is going to be so easy!

We arrived around midnight and got an uber to the city centre. Mr S and his brother went to check into their apartment and Xants and I tried to do the same. The Airbnb instructions told us to go and fetch the keys from a café. As we approached the café we noticed that it looked awfully dark and there were no people in it. Strange. When we got to the entrance we noticed that it was definitely closed. It was 23:45 and the sign said that it closed at 00:00. Lazy feckin’ Poles. I tried to contact the landlord several times but to no avail. Eventually I contacted airbnb and they said they would put us up in a hotel for the night and pay for any expenses (including alcohol) to the value of £30 whilst we did so. We carried on drinking until we couldn’t be arsed checking into a hotel and ended up crashing on Mr S’s couch. I never did claim any expenses.

The next morning we all went for breakfast and soon realised that pork sausages do not exist in Poland – all breakfasts come with those rubbish Vienna type sausages, we were mortified and already wanted to go home. Local resident, Mr R who is originally from Leeds joined us to catch-up before we all parted ways and Xants and I tried again to gain entry to our apartment, this time successfully.

From here on in the rest of the trip is a blur. I remember for the first three or four days that I was approaching a fair bit. I did 40 daygame sets in total and “closed” 20 (mostly on Instagram as they still don’t seem to do whatsapp there) of these. My vibe was terrible throughout as we were hitting it hard in the bars every night and this is where I was arguably more successful.

The reactions on the street were generally good, I only remember a couple of blowouts but something was off. I was getting contact details from half of the girls and most of them were replying – getting them out was the tricky part. There could be myriad reasons for this; they were genuinely busy with Uni, they had boyfriends, they’d been opened 20 times after I opened them, they just gave me their details to get rid, and, and , and… There’s no point losing sleep over it, accept it and move on thought me.

I had four dates on the trip;

  1. Blondie from the plane – I got her out a few days later in the afternoon. We went for coffee then a walk and then a beer. Every time I tried to escalate she recoiled at the same time as biting her bottom lip. Cognitive dissonance in full display if I’ve ever seen it. The old hind brain/fore brain conflict and the fore won again. We agreed to meet a day later but in the intervening time her grandmother died which created somewhat of a cock-block (how selfish!) and I never saw blondie again.
  2. The 9 from last year – This is a girl I had two dates with on my last trip to Warsaw. She had dropped a point having aged a year and a half and put on a little bit of weight. She was still a solid 8 though. She was happy to spend an entire evening with me without actually doing anything, Initially it was nice to hang out with a hot girl but I soon got fed up of this and put her on the spot – “Are you attracted to me or not?”. She told me that she was but that she didn’t want to grow feelings or get attached to me as I was leaving the city. Fair enough. Whore.
  3. Cute Ukrainian – my only proper date from daygame out of the 40 girls I opened. She was a short 21-year-old brunette who worked as a dentist and spoke zero English. I tried to hug her as we met for the date and she recoiled whilst frantically typing “Wow you are so fast!” into her google translate. I wasted around two hours of my time with her, I genuinely liked her but it would have taken about 20 dates to get the lay and I ain’t got time for that shit. We said our goodbyes and I didn’t bother contacting her again.
  4. Mr R’s regular – On my last day I still hadn’t gotten laid so I decided to go hail mary and hunt for SDL’s. As I was walking through the frying pan area of Warsaw (between the underpass and the park) I spotted a tall girl walking slowly with a black dress and high heels. I wasted no time in opening and she was very receptive. Turned out she was Ukrainian and in Warsaw to study – all the hottest girls in the city are from Ukraine. I asked her what she was up to and she said “oh, just walking”. I bounced her for a coffee and we showed each other pictures from our Instagram profiles and added each other as friends. As I looked through her pictures I had a peculiar feeling of familiarity. I was sure I’d seen this girls pictures before but I didn’t know where. After the coffee we went for a walk towards the old town before we settled on an Irish bar for a proper drink. I asked about her plans for the rest of the evening and she told me that she was going to a friends birthday party. It was still bugging me where I knew this girl from. I sent a screenshot of her Instagram to the Warsaw group chat asking if anyone knew this girl. A few minutes later Mr R replied “Yip, that’s my 18 yr/old regular. Be quick, she’s meeting me at 8:30”. Fuck. We finished our drinks and I sent her on her way.

As mentioned above – the nightgame seemed like it would bare more fruit. I probably approached almost as many girls at night, most of them two-sets, as I did during the day. The closest I got to getting laid was a two set I did with Xants with a few nights left.

We were in the smoking section upstairs in a bar/club called Plan B. The night was young and we were scanning for sets, we stood around a small table and I spotted a cute two-set to my left which was directly behind Xants. He was mad keen to do mystery method openers so he cocked his shoulders towards them… “Oi, who’s better, the Rolling Stones or the Beatles?” They stopped what they were talking about and hooked instantly.

The girl closest to him said beatles and the one closest to me (the hotter one) said stones. I congratulated her on her good choice before shutting up and letting Xants proceed. After a few minutes he talked in my ear “this is going nowhere mate, let’s just go”. I begged to differ and insisted that we stick it out a bit longer.

The hotter one, let’s call her Sienna, was slim with longish black hair, pale skin and a fiery personality. She had a funny accent as she’d lived in London for a few years, it was a mix of Queens English and Polish, it was weird and I told her this many times. The other girl was a little frumpier with shorter, brown hair and had more good girl vibes about her.

The four of us spent the rest of the evening together. We had a couple of rounds in plan B before getting a taxi back to our area. As we got in the cab the girls decided that they wanted to show us the clubs that Polish people go to. We reluctantly agreed. They led us to a loud club with lots of pissed up Poles in it. Xants and I scanned the room quickly before turning to the girls and telling them they were coming to Pawilowny with us. They agreed.

We sat downstairs in the serial killer bar, smoked cigarettes and had one more drink. It was now pushing 2am and the bar was closing. We walked the girls in the direction of our apartment and as we got closer I floated the idea of them coming up for a night cap. They agreed.

When we got inside Sienna announced that she had no cigarettes left, neither had I and neither had Xants. I took this as the perfect opportunity to isolate. I asked Sienna to come across the road to the 24hour dive bar with me to buy them there. Her friend wasn’t keen on staying alone with Xants in the apartment but Sienna reassured her that everything would be ok. We got to the bar and as I was ordering the cigarettes I ordered two beers. Sienna feigned a look of surprise but did not protest. We sat beside each other on a couch and within minutes we had tongues down each other’s throats. It was very romantic. We finished the drinks and Sienna said that we should go back to check on her friend. I agreed.

When we got back to the room Xants and her friend had moved to his bedroom. I walked Sienna straight to my room for what I thought was going to be an easy lay. Instead I battled LMR all night long as she insisted that we would not be having sex. Sienna liked it rough and got very turned on when I choked her and pulled on her hair, but every time I tried to finger her she would push my hand away. Eventually she told me that she was on her period. Fuck. I kindly offered to put a towel down, but she wasn’t having it. I got Sienna down to her underwear and as I sucked on her surprisingly nice boobs she gouged her nails deep into my back. At the time I didn’t feel much pain due to the alcohol in my system. At around 5am we both collapsed in an exhausted mess. Sienna woke up again at 6am as she had to get to work, she went out to the lounge to find her friend sleeping on the couch, woke her up and they both left in a hurry.

Still half asleep I staggered to the bathroom for a piss. As I washed my hands I got a glimpse of my back, I turned it to the mirror to get a better look and it was red raw, she had dug her nails in so deep that she’d drawn blood. I returned to the bed and noticed that the white sheets were no longer white, there was blood all over them. Was it her period blood or the blood from my back? Either way it didn’t look good. I went back to sleep and as soon as I woke up I text her saying that I had fun. Sienna didn’t reply for a few hours and I was freaking out. Thankfully she eventually replied saying “me too 😊”. I never got her out again.

I mentioned that 3 out of 4 of us got laid. By now it should be obvious that I was the only one that didn’t get laid – this is a rare occurrence and I was so irritated that I almost had my first melt down. Meanwhile Xants banged a bar game girl on the last night. Mr. S banged two girls from bar game, his little brother banged FOUR, TWO of which were his first daygame notches and most spectacularly, both of them were on the SAME day. The wee bastard. This did not help my vibe but I tried my best to be happy for them all. Truth was I couldn’t wait to get away from them all and get away from Warsaw. Mentally I attempted to console myself with cliché’s – “you win some, you lose some”, “it’s a marathon not a sprint”. But none of that shit matters when you’re there in the moment riding the ups and downs. It would take it’s toll on any man.

I started to feel human a few days after I got back to London so I invited the Bulgarian round. After I’d finished unleashing my sexual frustration on her she lay there on her back huffing and puffing with a curious look on her face;

What’s wrong?

What happened your back and your arms? You’re all scratched and covered in bruises!

I decided this was the appropriate time for a white lie…

Oh, shit, I don’t know. I must have fallen over when I was drunk in Poland.

I could see her processing my lame alibi before she said;

Ok, makes sense.

 

 

[1] by new girls

[2] bottom world

[3] one of them proposed to me over whatsapp the other day. Sounds legit.