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Her fashion was nothing like this, but the face/body is close.

I don’t normally publish date reports (I have many private ones), but in light of my recent failures theme I thought I would share with you all how I still retain a tremendous ability to monumentally fuck things up with a yes girl. Here’s the story…

With only a few days remaining in Krakow my motivation to open was quite low. I’m not sure if this was because I have been suffering from a little bit of burnout or because I was still recovering from a two day bender with friends a couple of days before. It was probably a bit of both.

But, at around 9:30pm last night I was doing my last lap from Florianska up towards the Galleria mall before calling it a day and going home to get an early night.

As I walked towards the underpass I was texting a friend. I put my phone away and caught a glimpse of girl that was just passing to my left. She had long brown shaggy hair, a big baggy shirt and an old fashioned dress underneath, she topped the look off with a pair of converse and a back pack. My spider sense tingled, I hadn’t seen her face, but it was worth a shot.

I got in front and she hooked instantly. I told her she looked very zen, like she’d just come out of a yoga class or something. Maggie giggled and said that she had actually just finished work, but she spent most of the day meditating whilst at work. She was very cute, a mid-to-high 7.

I commented on her fashion and told her that she looked very different – her shirt looked like she’d borrowed it from her dad and her dress looked like something the poor people wore in the cellars of the Titanic – she pulled it off well though. Maggie laughed again and told me that she buys all her clothes in thrift shops. She was loving it and we chatted for around 10 minutes. I found out that she had dropped out of University 6 months in because she wasn’t “feeling it”. Her plan now was to make as much money as possible for the next month before she would set off to hitch-hike around Europe.

Ah, so you are a lady of adventure

Yes, I love adventure! I’m so bored of life here.

This was my cue to invite her for a drink right there and then. She agreed and we walked to a bar close to the park.

We sat at an outdoor table on chairs at right angles to each other. I like to do this if possible on first venues. It gives the girl enough space whilst allowing you to kino and you can also look them dead in the eyes if you shuffle your chair a bit.

We both ordered beers and proceeded through the comfort fluff. I found out Maggie was 20 years old, she told me about how her family were not happy with her travel plans, how she loved animals, how she loved to meet new people and how she felt trapped. Krakow wasn’t big enough for her and there was so much else to see. I filled her in on my backstory and before we knew it we were finished the first drinks. There wasn’t one silence and the conversation was still flowing. It was now around 10:30pm and the bar we were at was closing.

Let’s go for another drink somewhere else

I actually want a cigarette. You have any?

I’ve left mine at home.

This was my first fuck up, I did actually leave them at home but, at this point I should have invited her back. Even though I hadn’t kissed her and we’d only had one drink, there was enough outlier vibes to take the leap of faith.

There’s a shop there, I’ll buy another box and we can go to another bar

OK, sounds good

I got a box of cigarettes and we each smoked one as we walked towards the main square. This was my second fuck up. I was walking in the opposite direction to my apartment, which coincidentally was my third fuck up in itself. I had a look around my area earlier that day and couldn’t find any good bars near my flat – I booked the room in a bit of a hurry and didn’t research my logistics properly. As we passed each bar I suggested we go in and she kept saying that she didn’t like the places. This was my fourth fuck up, I should have insisted that the place didn’t matter, it was the company. We eventually went to a cool little bar that was a fully TWENTY minute walk away from my apartment. We sat outside again at a table, this was my fifth fuck-up, I agreed to a venue that wasn’t suitable for escalation and was too far from my apartment.

By the time we sat down it was now around 11pm. We each got a bottle of craft beer and she told me that she had to be up really early for work. FUCK. She was wearing a ring with a stone on it. I tried to escalate by touching her hand and asking what it meant.

Oh I was at a festival recently, I met a guy, we had some fun and the next morning he gave me this as a souvenir

This was like rubbing salt in an open wound, she was basically telling me she’s highly promiscuous and that I was busy friend-zoning myself. Maggie carried on to tell me about how she enjoyed taking LSD, MDMA and had even tried Ayahuascha. This was my sixth fuck-up, I let her ramble on about this for about half an hour because I was genuinely interested in what she was saying and was enjoying the conversation too much. I wasn’t escalating. Soon after this she received a phone call, Maggie apologised before answering and when she hung up she told me that a friend would come to join us now. FFS.

She said I could stay or go, but she just wanted to speak with this friend as she hadn’t seen HIM in a long time and he would leave in the morning. This was my seventh fuck-up, I should have either got up and left or told her to tell him not to come. We carried on with normal chit-chat, this was my eighth fuck-up, I had about a 10 minute window before her friend arrived to at least TRY and kiss her, but I didn’t and he turned up. He turned out to be a nice chap, a bit chodey and was in his early 40’s and was another guy she had met at a festival, she probably banged him too.

He didn’t have a drink and just waited for us to finish ours. The three of us walked back towards the square. The dude said he was staying at another friends house, she was going back to her apartment that she shared with another guy, and I would go in a separate direction.

As we walked Maggie challenged us all to do forward rolls in the middle of the street, her friend did it straight away, then she tried and had obviously forgotten she was wearing a back-pack as she got stuck mid roll and her whole dress blew up to reveal a lacy black thong and a great little body. Her friend rushed to pull her dress back down. She got up and wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest. Maggie asked why I didn’t roll with them, I told her I’m not very flexible. It was all a bit weird.

As we walked Maggie continued to tell her friend the story of how her and I had met earlier that evening, she spoke in glowing terms, but her friend didn’t look impressed in the slightest. Soon after this we all went our separate ways and as I said goodbye to Maggie she said “Good luck in your future life”, despite me adding her on instagram earlier in the evening. Which probably means I won’t be getting her out again before I leave.

Conclusion

I was very conscious of all of the errors as I was making them. However, I was happy of the company as I had been solo for a couple of days and was frankly a bit bored. I thought I would still have a couple of more nights to finish the deal but it seems it won’t be so. Oh well, guess I’ll have to go back out and do it all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “iDate Report: A Litany of Schoolboy Errors

  1. What do you think your chances were to get the lay if you didn’t make those mistakes?

    In the past I’d gotten the whole ‘good luck in the future’ attitude and assumed the opportunity was never there. But perhaps it was poor game

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  2. hahaha best post yet mate. Very funny as its’s very relatable, done that a couple of times before.

    In my situation I recognise my fuck up’s in real time but at the same time don’t believe it really that easy because its going so smooth and fast. i’ll be surprised if you see her again she’s probably getting MDMA licked off her cunt by the 40 year old lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. In terms of writing about failures, there seems to be an odd community guilt on the topic, as if a blogger “should” write failure stories. It’s obvious that we have tonnes of them, and it’s obvious that we experience the emotional rollercoaster. You’ve got to be retarded to think somebody didn’t have any. The only failures that stick with me are the funny ones or the ones I learned a lot from, otherwise I quickly forget them. I think if guys want to read failure stories they should go out create their own instead.

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    1. Couldn’t agree more Thomas. However, I can understand how readers may think our “grandiose” success stories sound too good to be true. These are the guys that obviously aren’t out there doing it.

      Like

  4. It’s amazing how differently you can act between different girls. Some sets are just easy when you do the right thing, others just make you question how you ever got laid when you see yourself make stupid decisions.

    Even worse, I hate how my self perception can be of a *muthaf**kin P.I.M.P* and the girl can see me as a chose if I make one adverse slip. I always assume those sets are lost…

    This video actually surprised me how different you can perceive someone by them acting slightly differently.

    Like

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