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Not quite this hot.

Despite my constant moaning about the dearth in quality here in Melbourne, my first 10 sets of the year have gone rather well. Here’s a rare glimpse at my spreadsheet;

Screen Shot 2018-01-20 at 14.34.33

I’ve been doing a few sets here and there without really going out of my way to “do daygame”. So far I’ve closed 7 out of 10, more than half of these flaked, I’ve got one of them out on a date and got the lay. Here’s the story…

It was Thursday afternoon, around 1pm. I wasn’t that busy at work so I decided to escape the office to go out for a walk. I wasn’t out to “do daygame”. I still find it weird when I’m not in my daygame uniform, it feels incongruent. I like to present myself to girls as the fast sex guy but if I’m in formal office wear this can only lead to confusion for the girl.

It was an unseasonably hot day in Melbourne, but we won’t get into a climate change debate here. As I left the confines of the air conditioned office and stepped into the hot, dry 39oC heat I felt the sweat beads forming on my forehead and arm pits almost instantly. I rolled my sleeves up, undid my top button, put my ray bans on and proceeded to Walker Walk as slow as a tortoise down Bourke Street towards Swanston.

I was somewhere between code yellow and orange as Krauser defines it on page 108 of his new book, Daygame Infinite. I was checking out every girl but I wasn’t going to throw myself in front of any buses. She had to be;

  1. a 7 or above
  2. not Asian
  3. not a fat hipster
  4. not walking fast as it was too hot to chase

With these criteria in mind I let every girl pass me by for the first 15 minutes. I could now feel the sweat forming on my lower back as my shirt started sticking to it, it was time to start walking back to the office and plug back in. As I made my way back I spotted a cute brunette walking towards me. She wore brown sandals, had bronze legs atop of which she wore a pink flowery dress. It showed a little bit of cleavage and she was wearing a brown leather backpack. She was walking slowly and seemed to be looking at everything around her like it was the first time she’d seen it. PERFECT.

I let her pass and there was no IOI, I turned and started walking a little faster to get in front of her.

Excuuuuse me

Yes?

I have to tell you something a liiiiiittle bit cheeky – I took off my sunglasses

I saw you pass me by and I thought you looked very cute, you looked very peaceful, like you were on your way to sit in a park read a classic novel

She removed her sunglasses to reveal big green eyes that were mid spazz. She’d only said one word so far but she was hooked.

Thank you! I wish, but I’m actually just on my lunch break and am wondering what to eat

We proceeded into chit chat about each others jobs and what we were doing in Melbourne. It turned out she was a paralegal from New Zealand and had been in the city for just over a year. Even though the topic of conversation was rather trivial there was a fizz, this girl was very bubbly and loved the fact that I opened her. I told her I had to get back to the office so I took her number and we went our separate ways.

I pinged her as I was about to leave the office later that day on the off chance that I could get her out. She had already gone home but was very responsive, I proposed meeting the next day, Friday and she agreed.

Friday was another hot day so I pinged her in the afternoon to confirm the date. She was keen.

I got to the station a couple of minutes late and she arrived soon after. She wore brown corked high heels and a white dungaree short outfit type thing. It showed off her brown legs and I could see her white bra straps poking out the side of the dungaree suspenders. She wore make-up and had clearly made an effort. I got an instant boner, this girl had turned from a low 7 in set to a solid 7 and I wanted to bang her.

I walked us to the same bar on the river that I took the Indian [1] to and we sat on stools overlooking the river. I got the drinks in and began the comfort fluff. I asked her why she’d moved to Melbourne and she said;

Well, it’s kind of a fucked up story, maybe I’ll tell you later

Oh ok

Anyway so do you go on dates often? I haven’t been laid properly in 4 years

I was mid-swig of my beer bottle and I almost choked on it.

Wow, wow, wow young lady! Let me explain to you how dates work. We have one drink, get to know each other better, if we like each other then we go for another drink in a more secluded place and maybe then we start discussing this sort of stuff.

As I explained my basic date model to her I contemplated bouncing her straight back to my place after the first drink. I probably could have got away with it but it was still only around 8.30pm and I fancied a few drinks.

We carried on chatting and got on great. I found out she had just turned 27, lived with another girl not far from my place and didn’t have many friends in the city. This girl was very funny and is the type of girl you could just hang out and have a laugh with, not that I would do such an alien activity. As we finished the first drink I excused myself and went to the toilet. I came back and noticed that she had taken her heels off and put them on the floor. I picked them up and said;

Come on, let’s go

But where?!

Just follow me

She excitedly put her heels back on and grabbed my arm as I walked us out of the bar. At this point I’m thinking that the notch is in the bag and all I had to do is not fuck it up. I walked us to a secret cocktail bar that only allows 10 people in at a time. We were the only people there and she was very impressed with the venue. We each got a cocktail and she offered to pay, I told her to put her card away.

I told her how I liked her vibe, she seemed very bubbly and was a pleasure to be around. Then the skeletons started to show;

Well this is all just an act.

What do you mean?

I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ve been suffering from depression for years, I’m just very good at hiding it.

I felt that weird mix of emotions which I am beginning to experience all too often – pity mixed with arousal. I knew the fact that this girl was a little bit broken would probably make for great sex.

I’m impressed you are telling me. It’s not uncommon nowadays, my little brother has been suffering with it for years. I keep trying to get him to see a therapist every time I go home but he won’t listen.

I’ve been to therapy a lot and it has helped. A year ago I would never have come out on a date like this, I couldn’t even talk to people. I’m better now than I used to be but every now and then I get really down and take lots of coke and cry in my bedroom alone.

I empathised a bit more before grabbing her cocktail and taking a sip. She playfully punched me saying “hey, that’s mine!”. The vibe lifted again. We finished the cocktails and it was now around 9.30pm.

I walked us to another venue where we had another drink on a balcony. We sat at the corner of a table overlooking the street. She started to speak about politics and I gave her my usual line;

My mother told me never to speak about religion, politics or past relationships when meeting a woman.

I grabbed her neck and pulled her in for the kiss. She was all in, lots of tongue in what was quite a small and busy venue. Heads turned in our direction. I pushed her back and looked away.

Wow, that was good

Yeah, I probably should have done that earlier – I called out my own bad game.

As we finished the drinks I looked at the time on my phone, it was now 10:45pm. I told her that it was almost my bed time. She said that she should probably go home too.

Well, let’s go back to my place for one more, I can play you a few songs on my guitar, you can sing along

Ooooooh you play guitar?! Let’s go

No resistance. I ordered an uber and it was waiting outside as we left the venue. As we got into my place I told her she had to take her shoes off before I gave her a tour of the apartment. She sat on the couch and I poured us some wine. I picked up the guitar and played the usual medley of chick crack songs, she was practically drooling.

Soon after her white dungarees were on the floor and I was fingering her vigorously as she screamed with pleasure, this girl was LOUD. I got undressed and tried to bang her on the couch but she insisted on going to the bedroom. The sex was probably up there in my top 5 bangs. She didn’t have an aesthetically stunning body but she had a great ass, and a little bit of meat which was great for spanking. We fucked for over an hour before I collapsed in an exhausted sweaty mess. I offered her to stay over but she insisted on leaving. Good girl.

I asked her the usual post-sex questions and she told me that there was no specific moment when she decided she wanted to have sex, it just felt natural. She left soon afterwards and I sent out the +1 texts to the lads. Mr W queried if she was an Ozzie, I informed him that she was from New Zealand at the same time as realising that I had captured a new flag. Maybe Melbourne ain’t so bad after all.

[1] I’m still seeing her and have since managed to bang her properly.

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10 thoughts on “Lay Report: A Crazy Kiwi

  1. Whilst a spread sheet and a write up are ok for the skeptics amongst us I’d like to see infield videos of these guys writing game blogs. If you’re a good looking guy Roy Walker then the girl has to be two points hotter than you as Krauser would say for it to be decent game. Just sayin

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  2. Good job, never had a NZ girl. I just don’t seem to click with them and Aussies too.

    Out of interest what do you consider a 7 (tough without pictures I know)? I say it’s a girl who you show the pictures to your friends but find the best one you can first.

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