Lay Report: A Crazy Kiwi

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Not quite this hot.

Despite my constant moaning about the dearth in quality here in Melbourne, my first 10 sets of the year have gone rather well. Here’s a rare glimpse at my spreadsheet;

Screen Shot 2018-01-20 at 14.34.33

I’ve been doing a few sets here and there without really going out of my way to “do daygame”. So far I’ve closed 7 out of 10, more than half of these flaked, I’ve got one of them out on a date and got the lay. Here’s the story…

It was Thursday afternoon, around 1pm. I wasn’t that busy at work so I decided to escape the office to go out for a walk. I wasn’t out to “do daygame”. I still find it weird when I’m not in my daygame uniform, it feels incongruent. I like to present myself to girls as the fast sex guy but if I’m in formal office wear this can only lead to confusion for the girl.

It was an unseasonably hot day in Melbourne, but we won’t get into a climate change debate here. As I left the confines of the air conditioned office and stepped into the hot, dry 39oC heat I felt the sweat beads forming on my forehead and arm pits almost instantly. I rolled my sleeves up, undid my top button, put my ray bans on and proceeded to Walker Walk as slow as a tortoise down Bourke Street towards Swanston.

I was somewhere between code yellow and orange as Krauser defines it on page 108 of his new book, Daygame Infinite. I was checking out every girl but I wasn’t going to throw myself in front of any buses. She had to be;

  1. a 7 or above
  2. not Asian
  3. not a fat hipster
  4. not walking fast as it was too hot to chase

With these criteria in mind I let every girl pass me by for the first 15 minutes. I could now feel the sweat forming on my lower back as my shirt started sticking to it, it was time to start walking back to the office and plug back in. As I made my way back I spotted a cute brunette walking towards me. She wore brown sandals, had bronze legs atop of which she wore a pink flowery dress. It showed a little bit of cleavage and she was wearing a brown leather backpack. She was walking slowly and seemed to be looking at everything around her like it was the first time she’d seen it. PERFECT.

I let her pass and there was no IOI, I turned and started walking a little faster to get in front of her.

Excuuuuse me

Yes?

I have to tell you something a liiiiiittle bit cheeky – I took off my sunglasses

I saw you pass me by and I thought you looked very cute, you looked very peaceful, like you were on your way to sit in a park read a classic novel

She removed her sunglasses to reveal big green eyes that were mid spazz. She’d only said one word so far but she was hooked.

Thank you! I wish, but I’m actually just on my lunch break and am wondering what to eat

We proceeded into chit chat about each others jobs and what we were doing in Melbourne. It turned out she was a paralegal from New Zealand and had been in the city for just over a year. Even though the topic of conversation was rather trivial there was a fizz, this girl was very bubbly and loved the fact that I opened her. I told her I had to get back to the office so I took her number and we went our separate ways.

I pinged her as I was about to leave the office later that day on the off chance that I could get her out. She had already gone home but was very responsive, I proposed meeting the next day, Friday and she agreed.

Friday was another hot day so I pinged her in the afternoon to confirm the date. She was keen.

I got to the station a couple of minutes late and she arrived soon after. She wore brown corked high heels and a white dungaree short outfit type thing. It showed off her brown legs and I could see her white bra straps poking out the side of the dungaree suspenders. She wore make-up and had clearly made an effort. I got an instant boner, this girl had turned from a low 7 in set to a solid 7 and I wanted to bang her.

I walked us to the same bar on the river that I took the Indian [1] to and we sat on stools overlooking the river. I got the drinks in and began the comfort fluff. I asked her why she’d moved to Melbourne and she said;

Well, it’s kind of a fucked up story, maybe I’ll tell you later

Oh ok

Anyway so do you go on dates often? I haven’t been laid properly in 4 years

I was mid-swig of my beer bottle and I almost choked on it.

Wow, wow, wow young lady! Let me explain to you how dates work. We have one drink, get to know each other better, if we like each other then we go for another drink in a more secluded place and maybe then we start discussing this sort of stuff.

As I explained my basic date model to her I contemplated bouncing her straight back to my place after the first drink. I probably could have got away with it but it was still only around 8.30pm and I fancied a few drinks.

We carried on chatting and got on great. I found out she had just turned 27, lived with another girl not far from my place and didn’t have many friends in the city. This girl was very funny and is the type of girl you could just hang out and have a laugh with, not that I would do such an alien activity. As we finished the first drink I excused myself and went to the toilet. I came back and noticed that she had taken her heels off and put them on the floor. I picked them up and said;

Come on, let’s go

But where?!

Just follow me

She excitedly put her heels back on and grabbed my arm as I walked us out of the bar. At this point I’m thinking that the notch is in the bag and all I had to do is not fuck it up. I walked us to a secret cocktail bar that only allows 10 people in at a time. We were the only people there and she was very impressed with the venue. We each got a cocktail and she offered to pay, I told her to put her card away.

I told her how I liked her vibe, she seemed very bubbly and was a pleasure to be around. Then the skeletons started to show;

Well this is all just an act.

What do you mean?

I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ve been suffering from depression for years, I’m just very good at hiding it.

I felt that weird mix of emotions which I am beginning to experience all too often – pity mixed with arousal. I knew the fact that this girl was a little bit broken would probably make for great sex.

I’m impressed you are telling me. It’s not uncommon nowadays, my little brother has been suffering with it for years. I keep trying to get him to see a therapist every time I go home but he won’t listen.

I’ve been to therapy a lot and it has helped. A year ago I would never have come out on a date like this, I couldn’t even talk to people. I’m better now than I used to be but every now and then I get really down and take lots of coke and cry in my bedroom alone.

I empathised a bit more before grabbing her cocktail and taking a sip. She playfully punched me saying “hey, that’s mine!”. The vibe lifted again. We finished the cocktails and it was now around 9.30pm.

I walked us to another venue where we had another drink on a balcony. We sat at the corner of a table overlooking the street. She started to speak about politics and I gave her my usual line;

My mother told me never to speak about religion, politics or past relationships when meeting a woman.

I grabbed her neck and pulled her in for the kiss. She was all in, lots of tongue in what was quite a small and busy venue. Heads turned in our direction. I pushed her back and looked away.

Wow, that was good

Yeah, I probably should have done that earlier – I called out my own bad game.

As we finished the drinks I looked at the time on my phone, it was now 10:45pm. I told her that it was almost my bed time. She said that she should probably go home too.

Well, let’s go back to my place for one more, I can play you a few songs on my guitar, you can sing along

Ooooooh you play guitar?! Let’s go

No resistance. I ordered an uber and it was waiting outside as we left the venue. As we got into my place I told her she had to take her shoes off before I gave her a tour of the apartment. She sat on the couch and I poured us some wine. I picked up the guitar and played the usual medley of chick crack songs, she was practically drooling.

Soon after her white dungarees were on the floor and I was fingering her vigorously as she screamed with pleasure, this girl was LOUD. I got undressed and tried to bang her on the couch but she insisted on going to the bedroom. The sex was probably up there in my top 5 bangs. She didn’t have an aesthetically stunning body but she had a great ass, and a little bit of meat which was great for spanking. We fucked for over an hour before I collapsed in an exhausted sweaty mess. I offered her to stay over but she insisted on leaving. Good girl.

I asked her the usual post-sex questions and she told me that there was no specific moment when she decided she wanted to have sex, it just felt natural. She left soon afterwards and I sent out the +1 texts to the lads. Mr W queried if she was an Ozzie, I informed him that she was from New Zealand at the same time as realising that I had captured a new flag. Maybe Melbourne ain’t so bad after all.

[1] I’m still seeing her and have since managed to bang her properly.

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2017 – The Year of Ups and Downs

girls
Not quite this many.

Another year has passed and I’m still running around talking to girls. I thought I’d be losing the thrill of the chase by this point, but at three and a half years and 2,787 sets into my journey, it feels like I’m just getting to the good part…

Bitcoin level volatility. That’s how I’d sum up 2017 in three words, especially compared to 2016 which was more like an ISA savings account with slow and steady returns. I endured my longest dry spell of three and a half months at the beginning of 2017 before going on a 3 month Eurojaunt where I banged a new girl every 6.29 days. After this madness I returned to the home of daygame for a couple of months to rack up a few more before I was exiled to Melbourne (daygame prison) for the last quarter of the year. I carried on daygaming but to no avail claiming only one notch down under, granted I only did 38 sets, but that was across 20 odd sessions (I don’t tally the sessions where I don’t open, which was a lot in Melbourne). I found more joy when I visited Hong Kong for an 8-day last hurrah in December, adding two late notches to the tally. Despite a year of severe ups and downs and daygaming in 9 different cities, the overall results weren’t too bad; in fact they were pretty good, maybe not Bitcoin good…

Statwank – Daygame Only

2016

Sets Numbers FB’s Flakes idates Dates Near Misses Lays
1000 18.80% 3.80% 10.70% 0.90% 4.30% 0.40% 1.70%
188 38 107 9 43 4 17

2017

Sets Number FB Flake Date Flake idate Date Near Miss Lays
882 25.62% 5.67% 36.59% 7.25% 2.83% 5.10% 1.36% 1.93%
226 50 101 20 25 45 12 17

This post is my first time comparing 2016 to 2017 and I am pleasantly surprised to see improvement, especially since I was telling Mr W over dinner last night that I did better in 2016. However, every percentage is higher in 2017. The flake count is a false comparison as I only started counting flakes towards the end of 2016, I am certain I got less flakes in 2017. I did 118 fewer approaches in 2017 but banged the same number of girls as in 2016. The biggest difference is highlighted on the second column from the end.

Near Misses

8 of the 12 were on my Eurojaunt where time was not my friend. I would often get the girl to the precipice before her forebrain would remind her that I wouldn’t be sticking around. I eventually converted the near miss in Melbourne and the other 3 were girls passing through in London. Most girls have a line in the sand that they will not pass no-matter how good the seduction is. I think I took most of these girls further than they wanted and others not far enough, perhaps with tighter game I could have converted a few more. I can also clearly remember 3 other girls that I got back to my bedroom but I did not add them to the near miss tally as I never felt I was close to sex. I was pulling harder and faster than I previously had the balls to do in 2017. Most players will go through this stage before getting fed up of the near misses and looking to find a nice little K girl to settle with.

Now back to statwank;

My approach to close (numbers and facebook) was 1 in 3.22. This is bloody good if I don’t say so myself.

My close to flake ratio was 1 in 2.73. Not so good.

My close to date flake ratio was 1 in 13.8. This is horrendous, 20 girls agreed to dates and didn’t turn up, almost all of these were in Moscow and this is the reason I will never return there. EVER. Whores. Yes, I’m still fuming 6 months later. OK, OK, maybe I’ll go back one day for a revenge mission.

My approach to date ratio was 1 in 19.6. This is decent.

My approach to lay ratio was 1 in 51.88. The pro’s say advanced daygamers should be aiming for 1 in 30. Guess I still have a ways to go.

But Roy, you’re making my head hurt with all these numbers, isn’t it time to stop keeping stats and just go with feelz like all the top players do?

I find it easy to keep stats and so I will carry on keeping them. I don’t understand how others find it so difficult, perhaps it would hurt their ego (or business) if others knew the harsh reality. I haven’t seen many of the top players share ACCURATE statistics or lay reports throughout the year so I am always hugely jealous slightly sceptical when I see fellas pop up with stats up at the end of the year that are way better than mine. Especially when some report an approximate approach count that varies by a range of 200. TWO HUNDRED, I understand a range of perhaps 50, or even 100, but 200? This obviously makes a big difference to your approach to lay ratio, mine would be 1 in 38 if I rounded down by two hundred sets, that Ian fella in Poland would be at 1 in 4.38!

It’s fine to call yourself an advanced daygamer after 14 months in the game, kudos, you go for it, but the stats, if you kept them may tell a different story. Adversely, you may think you’re not doing so well and then surprise yourself when you look at your stats, like me in this post. Your perception of yourself probably doesn’t match reality, especially in the eyes of a hot young girl. I understand if you know your stats are shit and you’d rather bury your head in the sand, that’s fine. What grinds my gears is the charlatans that set false expectations for the new guys. That’s that little rant over with, back to me.

Here’s a run-down of the 22 lucky ladies in chronological order, with links to the relevant blog posts, HB rating, and age.

  1. Night Game Belgrade – 14/04/2017 – 7 – 23
  2. Girl outside Restaurant Belgrade – 20/04/2017 – 7 – 22
  3. 19 Year old Belgrade– 21/04/2017 – 7 – 19
  4. D4 Belgrade – 22/04/2017 – 7 – 29
  5. Night Game Warsaw – 30/04/2017 – 6 – 20
  6. Ukrainian in Warsaw – 02/05/2017 – 8 – 25
  7. Night Game Blondie in Warsaw – 12/05/2017 – 8 – 22
  8. The Witch in Warsaw – 16/05/2017 – 7 – 27
  9. J Cups Warsaw – 20/05/2017 – 6 – 24
  10. Night game in Moscow – 03/06/2017 – 6 – 26
  11. 17 Year old Moscow – 07/06/2017 – 7 – 17
  12. Violinist Kiev – 29/06/2017 – 7 – 20
  13. D6 Kiev – 06/07/2017 – 7 – 22
  14. Yes Girl Kiev – 08/07/2017 – 6 – 33
  15. Chinese/Indian in London – 24/07/2017 – 7.5 – 23
  16. Kuwaiti SDL in London – 28/08/2017 – 7 – 30
  17. Portuguese in London – 01/09/2017 – 6.5 – 30
  18. Scottish/Persian SDDL in London – 09/09/2017 – 7 – 22
  19. Vietnamese/Australian – Tinder – October 2017 – 7 – 27
  20. Indian in Melbourne – 06/11/2017 – 7 – 27
  21. Local Celeb in HK – 20/12/2017 – 7.5 – 23
  22. Period Girl in HK – 21/12/2017 – 6.5 – 30

Averages – HB 6.91 – Age 24.59

That’s 22 in total, one less than last year. 17 from daygame, 4 nightgame and 1 from Tinder. There are two girls that weren’t worth a blog post; The first was night game in Moscow. She opened me and asked me to take her home immediately, I obliged. The other was tinder in Melbourne. She was actually a really nice girl that I banged a few more times before she got super clingy, I should have saw this coming as she told me she was looking for a husband on the first date. So, despite one less notch than in 2016, I think my game has improved significantly and the stats back this up.

What helped?

Dry Spell

When Xants and I boarded the plane to Belgrade I was chomping at the bit to get there. I was hungrier than a refugee in Paris lion in the African bush that hadn’t killed in months and I was convinced there was nothing wrong with my game. This could have been sheer delusion but my results in Belgrade seemed to back up my self-assessment. Equally you could say that 3 months of hibernation may have helped, I may have had the hunger after such a long time off, but my game would not have been as sharp.

Taking Time off Work

12 of the 22 notches were during the Eurojaunt. So there is no doubting that if your main purpose is to go out all day every day doing daygame that you will probably bang a load of birds. Looking back though, there is no way I could have sustained this lifestyle and I don’t think I could kept banging birds at that rate if I did it for a whole year. I would need some sort of side job to take my mind off the daygame, and obviously give me some beer money. I still haven’t cracked this cookie yet, so 2018 will see me returning to the office and taking jaunts when I can.

Good Wings

As I mentioned in my Jaunt Review, a wing can make or break a trip. If you enjoy their company you will have a blast even when you’re not on the street. If they’re annoying you then your vibe on the street will be off and you will hate your time off the streets. I’ve been lucky in this regard, not just on jaunts but also in London, Manchester and Dublin down the years. I also know a weirdo when I see one and proceed to avoid them like the plague, this helps.

Enjoying the process

I have rubbished this idea in the past, you shouldn’t be enjoying it, you should be out there GRINDING, only with maximum effort comes maximum reward. Perhaps I have Krauser to thank for making me realise this, but you should never be walking down the street with a scowl on your face and then opening girls. They sense it immediately and you come across as a weirdo. Looking back at my dry spell, I was probably guilty of this stomping around freezing cold London demanding that girls be nice to me. If you have a wing, make each other laugh even if you’re bastardising a song or saying the same Father Ted joke for the 50th time. If you’re solo, do whatever it is that will keep you amused, speak to someone selling a dodgy iphone, listen to Joe Rogan, listen to heavy metal, click your fingers and point like a crazy person, whatever it is that will keep you out of your head.

Calibration

It seems like common sense to me now that there’s no point opening a girl who is sprinting down the street with her phone in her ear, or a girl who’s crying her eyes out, or a girl on a bicycle. I have done all of those things in the past and guess where they went? NOWHERE. I now have a much better idea if the girl will stop, don’t get me wrong, if a 9 runs down the street, I’m still opening her. But there’s no point throwing yourself in front of every bus only to get another blowout, it saps your vibe.

Sets, Lots of them

This may seem to contradict my last point, but I have done the thousand sets of pain already and yes, you should open pretty much everything until that’s over and done with. But now when I go into set I have no idea what I’m going to say to the girl until I get in front. The idea of doing this used to petrify me. But as with any skillset, if you practice it enough you will pick up the nuances, add your own patterns and everything will start to feel natural. So go on then, DO SOME SETS.

Highlights

  • 4 girls in 10 days (3 in the last 3 nights) in Belgrade
  • Banging my first 17 year old and she didn’t speak a word of English.
  • There were a few of the girls I really liked

Lowlights

  • I didn’t enjoy it when the D6 Kiev cut me off after I kicked her out post-sex. I actually liked hanging out with her and would have seen her again.
  • Moscow
  • There was one very fucked up moment when I got some terrible news in Kiev. I’ll keep that for a memoir.

What next?

Unfortunately I will be in daygame prison for the first quarter of 2018, I’ll do some sets but game will take a back seat while I focus on other things. So don’t expect much action from this blog.

Happy New Year, Players.