This is Ander Hererra. He is great at football.
Ander Herrera’s through ball to little Marcus Rashford was the sexiest thing I’d seen that day. But I did open a girl who was about half as sexy and I ended up banging her a few days later…


It was Sunday, day 3 of the Euro jaunt. It was cold out and raining heavily. Myself and Xants decided to sack the daygame and go the sports bar to watch football and drink beer all day, it was a great decision.

After that we went for dinner in a fancy Italian restaurant. We sat at the window, drank wine and ate fancy food, because we could. A girl walked past the window. I announced “she looks hot” and proceeded to run out of the restaurant and down the street after her like a monkey. One of those ones that dances.

I was quite drunk at this point so I don’t even remember how I opened her, but i do remember being out of breath. I’m assuming I hid my drunkenness well as I got her number and she was very keen over text in the subsequent days. We arranged to meet the following Thursday, day 7 of the jaunt.

The Following Thursday

It was another wet day. I’d awoken still quite frustrated from the blue blood soaked balls of a D3* the night before. The sounds of Xants’ girl screaming like a banshee in the room next door exacerbated this frustration somewhat more. I got out of the apartment and went to Snezanna for what was to be the best omelette of the trip so far, things would get better. I pinged the girl from the monkey set to confirm the date for that same evening and we agreed to meet at 7pm.

I met her at Hotel Moskva, I was ten minutes early so I went inside and had a tiny coffee (it’s harder to get a decent sized coffee in Belgrade than an omelette after 1pm) and text her to meet me inside. She came in and I was pleasantly surprised that she was hot. A 7 with greeny brown eyes, brunette hair and a slim figure with nice curves. I wanted to bang her.

It was plain sailing from this point onwards, I drank my coffee, she asked me a million questions, I asked her if I was on a job interview.

From here I let her lead me to a bar nearby which serves lots of international craft beers. She really wanted me to try all the English and American beers. I ordered us two Serbian beers. We drank them and her eyes seemed to be in a permanent spazz, this girl fancied the fuck out of me and she didn’t hide it very well.

After this I suggested we go for a walk to the Irish Bar which just so happened to be closer to my apartment. We sat on the couches upstairs and she ordered us Rakias and some weird nuts that weren’t quite nuts, they were very tasty, and we kissed a lot. It was on.

Shortly after this I suggested we go back to mine for a glass of wine. She said that sounds like a great idea. We did so, I got us two cans of beer (didn’t need to open the wine, Xants and I would drink this later whilst watching Stefan Molyneux) from the fridge and we sat on the couch in the lounge for about 30 seconds before I carried her to the bedroom, took her clothes off and we had sex.







* – This will hopefully be another post



7 thoughts on “Lay Report: All I did was open

  1. “I carried her to the bedroom” — alpha move!

    great lay report, congratulations.

    it does sounds like she was a super YES girl, but do you feel that you did successfully pass some tests that maybe you would not have passed when you were a beginner?


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