blonde-114842.jpgI didn’t bang her in a burrito bar, I just wanted to do some alliteration. Here’s the story.

It’s Friday evening. I worked late and didn’t hit the streets until around 7pm. I daygamed for 2 hours and only did 4 approaches. The quality was low and my vibe was off after a long day in the office.

I was exhausted so I sat down on a bench outside Wasabi on Oxford street (the one towards Bond Street) feeling sorry for myself. I don’t eat cream cakes ala Bodi but if I did, I would have been scoffing them down.

I text a fellow daygamer to see if he fancied a pint, he tells me he’s already gone home. I say to myself, “fuck it, one more set!”

Then out of McDonalds walks a stunning little Asian girl. She’s walking very slowly, sipping on a big coke. Thank you Daygame Gods!

I open and it’s the first one of the day that it’s on. She eye spazzes, crosses her legs as if to say, show me what you got. It’s a good set. She tells me she’s from Russia. I say no you’re not, you’re from Khasakstan. She’s impressed. I ask what she’s up to and she tells me she’s off to work, she’s a singer at some club.

“Another time I’d like to take you for a drink” me.

“I don’t give out my number on the street” her

“I’ll text you once, if you don’t reply I’ll never text you again” me

Lies, I’ll ping her 48hours later. Then I’ll give up. She gives me the number.

My vibe is instantly up and I’m in a good mood. It still amazes me how Daygame fucks with your emotions.

I text another mate to see if he fancied a pint. He does I meet him and I drink 4 beers with him.

We go our separate ways around midnight.

I get the tube back to Old Street, I’m starving and remember I haven’t eaten since lunch. I pop into a takeaway called the Mexican Express on my way home.

I see two girls laughing at the seats in the shop front window as I walk in, they’re both 7’s (neither as hot as the girl in the picture above) and had clearly been drinking. I place my order and sit down at a table just behind them as I wait to listen into their conversation. I figure our one is Polish and the other French. I get up and walk over to them, I can’t even remember what I opened with, it was fairly indirect, something along the lines of “you ladies seem to be enjoying yourself, this is clearly where the party is”

We chat for a little while. My burrito is ready and the guy calls me to the til to pay. I collect my burrito turn to walk out and as I am on my way I say my goodbyes to the girls. The Polish asks where I’m going, I say home. She says nooooo, stay with us. So I sit while the polish eats a burrito with a fork and knife (who does that?). I tease her on this. All three of us are sitting at the window stools. It’s me, then Polish then French in a row. There’s a joke in there somewhere.

As we chat the Polish is eyeballing me, I return long eye contact in between talking to the French girl about Marseille, where she is from. I tell her I’m going there in a couple of weeks for the football. She’s telling me it’s not safe, I tell her I lived in South Africa, bring it on. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was DHVing and the Polish was lapping it up.

Polish finishes her food and French starts talking about the two of them getting a cab home together. Polish says she wants to go for another drink.

I tell Polish “let me take you for a drink, we can put your friend in a cab”

They confer with whispers for a little while before they agree to my plan. French girl is on her way.

I take Polish to a bar across the road called Lovers Company. Its a trendy basement bar and quite noisy. I’d never been here before as it’s still my first week in the area. We get a G&T each and sit down at a table. It’s a small table surrounded by noisy drunken English girls. I tell her I’m going to look around the venue and find the toilet, I’ll be back. I walk around and find a private little room at the back which is wall to wall couches, no tables and the music is a lot quiter. Perfect! I go for a piss, go back the table, pick up both our coats and my drink and take her hand. “where are we going?!”, “just follow me”.

We get to the couch room and take a seat. There is no-one in there but us. Before long we are kissing and she jumps on top of me. A couple of guys come to walk in and shout “get a room” and walk out.

She hops off me feeling slightly embarrassed, I tell her she’s a bad girl and return to boring chat until we’re almost finished the G&T’s.

“I live just around the corner, let’s grab a bottle of wine and go back to mine, it’s quieter there”.

Her ASD kicks in… “I’m not going to sleep with you” her

“Who said anything about that??” me

We leave and walk to the shop across the road, buy cigarettes and a bottle of white wine. We start walking towards my place and she asks to sit down on the steps to have a smoke. I agree and run some more comfort. She starts showing me some pictures of art she had done and I’m genuinely impressed so I tell her this. After a while I stand up and say “let’s go back to, it’s getting cold”. She agrees but tells me she is definitely having sex with me.

We get to the lift in my apartment block, as soon as the doors close we start kissing and I’m thinking it’s on.

We get into my place, all the lights are off, but I can tell my flatmate is sleeping as his bedroom door is closed.

We go into the lounge, I get the laptop out, put on some music softly and pour the wine. We talk for little while, she tells me how nice the place is etc. I grab her around the throat and start kissing her. Then I pull away and tell her I need to pee (again). When I return she asks if she can have a smoke on the balcony. I agree and join her for one, I don’t want to wake my flatmate so I pull the balcony door closed behind me. We have our cigarettes, kiss a bit and I say “let’s go back in”. I go the the balcony door and discover that there’s no handle on the outside. Fuck.

It was my first time on the balcony as I had only moved in the previous weekend. She asks me how are you going to open it? Good question says me. It’s around 2.30am and we are trapped on my balcony. I try to ring my flatmate to ask him to open but his phone is off. I text him, no reply. We both laugh at the hilarity of the situation and sit there for a while, kissing and cuddling. I ask her if she’s ever had sex on a balcony? She reminds me that we are not having sex tonight.

The clock ticks, it gets to 4am and we’re both freezing. I sit there thinking how royally I have fucked this up. Randomly, there a big storage cupboard full of suitcases on the balcony. I pull out two of the suitcases and say “lets’s climb in one of these each, it’ll keep us warm. She laughs, but I’m being serious. I try to climb in one and surprisingly, I don’t fit.

I then have another bright idea, the cupboard is now empty. Let’s get in the cupboard. So we did that for a while but it wasn’t very comfortable. It gets to around 5am and Polish hears people walking by on the street beneath us. It’s her idea to shout down to them and ask them to ring my flat number on the intercom. Good citizens as they, they do so about 4 or 5 times. They tell me someone answered. Yes!

My flatmate comes out to the balcony pissing himself laughing, opens the door and runs back to bed without saying a word.

She tells me she’s going home, she’s freezing. I tell her “no you’re not, there’s no tubes, let’s get in bed”. She agrees on the premise that I give her one of my T-shirts to wear and reminds me… “we’re not having sex”.

We get into bed and within 5 minutes we are fucking.

Daygame is for losers, burrito bars are where it’s at.





4 thoughts on “Burrito Bar Bang

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